Latter-Day Warnings

When legislators keep the law,     When banks dispense with bolts and looks,     When berries - whortle, rasp, and straw -     Grow bigger downwards through the box, -     When he that selleth house or land     Shows leak in roof or flaw in right, -     When haberdashers choose the stand     Whose window hath the broadest light, -     When preachers tell us all they think,     And party leaders all they mean, -     When what we pay for, that we drink,     From real grape and coffee-bean, -     When lawyers take what they would give,     And doctors give what they would take, -     When city fathers eat to live,     Save when they fast for conscience' sake, -     When one that hath a horse on sale     Shall bring his merit to the proof,     Without a lie for every nail     That holds the iron on the hoof, -     When in the usual place for rips     Our gloves are stitched with special care,     And guarded well the whalebone tips     Where first umbrellas need repair, -     When Cuba's weeds have quite forgot     The power of suction to resist,     And claret-bottles harbor not     Such dimples as would hold your fist, -     When publishers no longer steal,     And pay for what they stole before, -     When the first locomotive's wheel     Rolls through the Hoosac Tunnel's bore; -     Till then let Cumming blaze away,     And Miller's saints blow up the globe;     But when you see that blessed day,     Then order your ascension robe.