Lieutenant-Colonel Flare

The earth has armies plenty,     And semi-warlike bands,     I dare say there are twenty     In European lands;     But, oh! in no direction     You'd find one to compare     In brotherly affection     With that of COLONEL FLARE.     His soldiers might be rated     As military Pearls.     As unsophisticated     As pretty little girls!     They never smoked or ratted,     Or talked of Sues or Polls;     The Sergeant-Major tatted,     The others nursed their dolls.     He spent his days in teaching     These truly solemn facts;     There's little use in preaching,     Or circulating tracts.     (The vainest plan invented     For stifling other creeds,     Unless it's supplemented     With charitable DEEDS.)     He taught his soldiers kindly     To give at Hunger's call:     "Oh, better far give blindly,     Than never give at all!     Though sympathy be kindled     By Imposition's game,     Oh, better far be swindled     Than smother up its flame!"     His means were far from ample     For pleasure or for dress,     Yet note this bright example     Of single-heartedness:     Though ranking as a Colonel,     His pay was but a groat,     While their reward diurnal     Was each a five-pound note.     Moreover, this evinces     His kindness, you'll allow,     He fed them all like princes,     And lived himself on cow.     He set them all regaling     On curious wines, and dear,     While he would sit pale-ale-ing,     Or quaffing ginger-beer.     Then at his instigation     (A pretty fancy this)     Their daily pay and ration     He'd take in change for his;     They brought it to him weekly,     And he without a groan,     Would take it from them meekly     And give them all his own!     Though not exactly knighted     As knights, of course, should be,     Yet no one so delighted     In harmless chivalry.     If peasant girl or ladye     Beneath misfortunes sank,     Whate'er distinctions made he,     They were not those of rank.     No maiden young and comely     Who wanted good advice     (However poor or homely)     Need ask him for it twice.     He'd wipe away the blindness     That comes of teary dew;     His sympathetic kindness     No sort of limit knew.     He always hated dealing     With men who schemed or planned;     A person harsh unfeeling     The Colonel could not stand.     He hated cold, suspecting,     Official men in blue,     Who pass their lives detecting     The crimes that others do.     For men who'd shoot a sparrow,     Or immolate a worm     Beneath a farmer's harrow,     He could not find a term.     Humanely, ay, and knightly     He dealt with such an one;     He took and tied him tightly,     And blew him from a gun.     The earth has armies plenty,     And semi-warlike bands,     I'm certain there are twenty     In European lands;     But, oh! in no direction     You'd find one to compare     In brotherly affection     With that of COLONEL FLARE.