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On A Deaf Housekeeper

Topics: classic

Of all life's plagues I recommend to no man     To hire as a domestic a deaf woman.     I've got one who my orders does not hear,     Mishears them rather, and keeps blundering near.     Thirsty and hot, I asked her for a drink;     She bustled out, and brought me back some ink.     Eating a good rump-steak, I called for mustard;     Away she went, and whipped me up a custard.     I wanted with my chicken to have ham;     Blundering once more, she brought a pot of jam.     I wished in season for a cut of salmon;     And what she brought me was a huge fat gammon.     I can't my voice raise higher and still higher,     As if I were a herald or town-crier.     'T would better be if she were deaf outright;     But anyhow she quits my house this night.

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