Revulsion.

I see the starting buds, I catch the gleam         In the near distance of a sun-kissed pool,         The blessed April air blows soft and cool,     Small wonder if all sorrow grows a dream,         And we forget that close around us lie         A city's poor, a city's misery.     Of every outward vision there is some         Internal counterpart. To-day I know         The blessedness of living, and the glow     Of life's dear spring-tide. I can bid thee come         In thought and wander where the fields are fair         With bursting life, and I, rejoicing, there.     Yet have I passed, Beloved, through the vale         Of dark dismay, and felt the dews of death         Upon my brow, have measured out my breath     Counting my hours of joy, as misers quail         At every footfall in the quiet night         And clutch their gold and count it in affright.     I learned new lessons in that school of fear,         Life took a fresh perspective; sad and brave         The view is from the threshold of the grave.     In that long, backward glance I saw her clear         From fogs of gathering night, and all the show         Of small things that seemed great a while ago.     Our dreams of fame, the stubborn power we call         Our self-respect, our hopes of worldly good,         Our jealousies and fears, how in the flood     Of this new light they faded, poor and small;         Showing our pettiness beside God's truth,         Besides His age our poor, unlearned youth.     The earth yearns forth, impatient for the days         Of its maturity, the ample sweets         Of Summer's fulness; and its great heart beats     With a fierce restlessness, for Spring delays         Seeing her giddy reign end all too soon,         Her bud-crown ravished by the hand of June.     And I, - I shall be happy, - promise me         This one small thing, Beloved, for I long         For happiness as the caged bird for song.     Not where four walls close in the melody         I want the fresh, sweet air, the water's gush,         The strong, sane life with thee, the summer hush.