Some Little Bug

In these days of indigestion     It is oftentimes a question         As to what to eat and what to leave alone;     For each microbe and bacillus     Has a different way to kill us,         And in time they always claim us for their own.     There are germs of every kind     In any food that you can find         In the market or upon the bill of fare.     Drinking water's just as risky     As the so-called deadly whiskey,         And it's often a mistake to breathe the air.     Some little bug is going to find you some day,     Some little bug will creep behind you some day,         Then he'll send for his bug friends         And all your earthly trouble ends;     Some little bug is going to find you some day.     The inviting green cucumber     Gets most everybody's number,         While the green corn has a system of its own;     Though a radish seems nutritious     Its behaviour is quite vicious,         And a doctor will be coming to your home.     Eating lobster cooked or plain     Is only flirting with ptomaine,         While an oyster sometimes has a lot to say,     But the clams we cat in chowder     Make the angels chant the louder,         For they know that we'll be with them right away.     Take a slice of nice fried onion     And you're fit for Dr. Munyon,         Apple dumplings kill you quicker than a train.     Chew a cheesy midnight "rabbit"     And a grave you'll soon inhabit         Ah, to eat at all is such a foolish game.     Eating huckleberry pie     Is a pleasing way to die,         While sauerkraut brings on softening of the brain.     When you eat banana fritters     Every undertaker titters,         And the casket makers nearly go insane.     Some little bug is going to find you some day,     Some little bug will creep behind you some day,         With a nervous little quiver         He'll give cirrhosis of the liver;     Some little bug is going to find you some day.     When cold storage vaults I visit     I can only say what is it         Makes poor mortals fill their systems with such stuff?     Now, for breakfast, prunes are dandy     If a stomach pump is handy         And your doctor can be found quite soon enough.     Eat a plate of fine pigs' knuckles     And the headstone cutter chuckles,         While the grave digger makes a note upon his cuff.     Eat that lovely red bologna     And you'll wear a wooden kimona,         As your relatives start scrappin 'bout your stuff.     Some little bug is going to find you some day,     Some little bug will creep behind you some day,         Eating juicy sliced pineapple         Makes the sexton dust the chapel;     Some little bug is going to find you some day.     All those crazy foods they mix     Will float us 'cross the River Styx,         Or they'll start us climbing up the milky way.     And the meals we eat in courses     Mean a hearse and two black horses         So before a meal some people always pray.     Luscious grapes breed 'pendicitis,     And the juice leads to gastritis,         So there's only death to greet us either way;     And fried liver's nice, but, mind you,     Friends will soon ride slow behind you         And the papers then will have nice things to say.     Some little bug is going to find you some day,     Some little bug will creep behind you some day         Eat some sauce, they call it chili,         On your breast they'll place a lily;     Some little bug is going to find you some day.