Sunday

DECEMBER 28, 1879.     A dim, vague shrinking haunts my soul,         My spirit bodeth ill--     As some far-off restraining bank     Had burst, and waters, many a rank,         Were marching on my hill;     As if I had no fire within         For thoughts to sit about;     As if I had no flax to spin,     No lamp to lure the good things in         And keep the bad things out.     The wind, south-west, raves in the pines         That guard my cottage round;     The sea-waves fall in stormy lines     Below the sandy cliffs and chines,         And swell the roaring sound.     The misty air, the bellowing wind         Not often trouble me;     The storm that's outside of the mind     Doth oftener wake my heart to find         More peace and liberty.     Why is not such my fate to-night?         Chance is not lord of things!     Man were indeed a hapless wight     Things, thoughts occurring as they might--         Chaotic wallowings!     The man of moods might merely say         As by the fire he sat,     "I am low spirited to-day;     I must do something, work or play,         Lest care should kill the cat!"     Not such my saw: I was not meant         To be the sport of things!     The mood has meaning and intent,     And my dull heart is humbly bent         To have the truth it brings.     This sense of needed shelter round,         This frequent mental start     Show what a poor life mine were found,     To what a dead self I were bound,         How feeble were my heart,     If I who think did stand alone         Centre to what I thought,     A brain within a box of bone,     A king on a deserted throne,         A something that was nought!     A being without power to be,         Or any power to cease;     Whom objects but compelled to see,     Whose trouble was a windblown sea,         A windless sea his peace!     This very sadness makes me think         How readily I might     Be driven to reason's farthest brink,     Then over it, and sudden sink         In ghastly waves of night.     It makes me know when I am glad         'Tis thy strength makes me strong;     But for thy bliss I should be sad,     But for thy reason should be mad,         But for thy right be wrong.     Around me spreads no empty waste,         No lordless host of things;     My restlessness but seeks thy rest;     My little good doth seek thy best,         My needs thy ministerings.     'Tis this, this only makes me safe--         I am, immediate,     Of one that lives; I am no waif     That haggard waters toss and chafe,         But of a royal fate,     The born-child of a Power that lives         Because it will and can,     A Love whose slightest motion gives,     A Freedom that forever strives         To liberate his Man.     I live not on the circling air,         Live not by daily food;     I live not even by thinkings fair,     I hold my very being there         Where God is pondering good.     Because God lives I live; because         He thinks, I also think;     I am dependent on no laws     But on himself, and without pause;         Between us hangs no link.     The man that lives he knows not how         May well fear any mouse!     I should be trembling this same now     If I did think, my Father, thou         Wast nowhere in the house!     O Father, lift me on thine arm,         And hold me close to thee;     Lift me into thy breathing warm,     Then cast me, and I fear no harm,         Into creation's sea!