The Absurd ABC

A for the APPLE     or Alphabet pie,     Which all get a slice of.     Come taste it & try.     B is the BABY     who gave Mr Bunting     Full many a long day's     rabbit skin hunting.     C for the CAT     that played on the fiddle,     When cows jumped higher than     'Heigh Diddle Diddle!'     D for the DAME     with her pig at the stile,     'Tis said they got over,     but not yet a while.     E for the Englishman,     ready to make fast     The giant who wanted to     have him for breakfast.     F for the Frog in the story     you know,     Begun with a wooing but     ending in woe.     G for Goosey Gander     who wandered upstairs,     And met the old man     who objected to prayers.     H for poor Humpty who     after his fall,     Felt obliged to resign his     seat on the wall.     I for the Inn where they     wouldn't give beer,     To one with too much     and no money, I fear.     J does for poor Jack and     also for Jill,     Who had so disastrous     a tumble down hill.     K for calm Kitty, at dinner     who sat,     While all the good folks     watched the dog & the cat.     L for Little man, gun and     bullets complete,     Who shot the poor duck, and     was proud of the feat.     M for Miss Muffet, with     that horrid spider,     Just dropped into tea and     a chat beside her.     N for the Numerous children     they who     Were often too much for     their mother in Shoe.     O the Old person that     cobwebs did spy,     And went up to sweep 'em     Oh ever so high!     P for the Pie made of     blackbirds to sing,     A song fit for supper     a dish for a king.     Q for Queen Anne     who sat in the sun     Till she, more than the lily     resembled the bun     R stands for Richard &     Robert, those men     Who didn't get up one     fine morning till ten!     S for the Snail that showed     wonderful fight,     Putting no less than twenty-four     tailors to flight!     T stands for Tom, the son of     the piper,     May his principles change     as his years grow riper.     U for the Unicorn, keeping     his eye on     The coveted crown, and     'ts counsel the Lion.     V for the Victuals, including     the drink,     The old woman lived on     surprising to think!     W for the WOMAN     who not over nice,     Made very short work     of the three blind mice.     X is the X     that is found upon buns,     Which, daughters not liking,     may come in for sons.     Y for Yankee Doodle     of ancient renown,     Both he & his pony     that took him to town.     Z for the Zany     who looked like a fool,     For when he was young     he neglected his school.