The Charlatan.

[1]      The world has never lack'd its charlatans,      More than themselves have lack'd their plans.      One sees them on the stage at tricks      Which mock the claims of sullen Styx.      What talents in the streets they post!      One of them used to boast      Such mastership of eloquence      That he could make the greatest dunce      Another Tully Cicero      In all the arts that lawyers know.      'Ay, sirs, a dunce, a country clown,      The greatest blockhead of your town, -      Nay more, an animal, an ass, -      The stupidest that nibbles grass, -      Needs only through my course to pass,      And he shall wear the gown      With credit, honour, and renown.'      The prince heard of it, call'd the man, thus spake:      'My stable holds a steed      Of the Arcadian breed,[2]      Of which an orator I wish to make.'      'Well, sire, you can,'      Replied our man.      At once his majesty      Paid the tuition fee.      Ten years must roll, and then the learned ass      Should his examination pass,      According to the rules      Adopted in the schools;      If not, his teacher was to tread the air,      With halter'd neck, above the public square, -      His rhetoric bound on his back,      And on his head the ears of jack.      A courtier told the rhetorician,      With bows and terms polite,      He would not miss the sight      Of that last pendent exhibition;      For that his grace and dignity      Would well become such high degree;      And, on the point of being hung,      He would bethink him of his tongue,      And show the glory of his art, -      The power to melt the hardest heart, -      And wage a war with time      By periods sublime -      A pattern speech for orators thus leaving,      Whose work is vulgarly call'd thieving.      'Ah!' was the charlatan's reply,      'Ere that, the king, the ass, or I,      Shall, one or other of us, die.'      And reason good had he;      We count on life most foolishly,      Though hale and hearty we may be.      In each ten years, death cuts down one in three.