The Last Time

For the last time,     The last, last time,     The last ...     All those last times have I lived through again,     And every "last" renews itself in pain--     Yes, each returns, and each returns in vain:     You return not, the last remains the last,     And I remain to cast     Weak anchors of my love in shifting sands     Of faith:--     The anchors drag, nothing I see save death.     Together we     Talked and were glad. I could not see     That one black gesture menaced you and me!     We kissed, and parted;     I left you, and was even merry-hearted....     And now my love is thwarted     That reaches back to you and searches round,     And dares not look on that harsh turfless mound.     And that last time     We walked together and the air acold     Hummed shrill around; the time that you     Walked heavily,     And I dared not to see,     Nor dared you then to speak of what must be.     We knew not what the shut days would unfold--     Nay, could not know till all the days were told....     But that last time we walked together, and     --And walk no more together, nor clasp hand     In hand, just stiffly as we used to do.     Never in dreams,     O happy, never in stealing dreams     We meet; never again     I live by night the day's slow-dying pain ...     The last, last time,     The last--     That time is past; yet in too-golden day     My heart goes from me whispering,     "Where are you--you--you--you?"     And comes back easeless to an easeless breast.     But at night I rest     Dreamless as derelict ships ride out to sea     Empty, and no bird even on the snapp'd mast     Pauses: into oblivion her shadow's cast;     Into the empty night goes lonely she,     And into sleep go--oh, more lonely I.