The Lion And Albert

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool, That's noted for fresh air and fun, And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom Went there with young Albert, their son. A grand little lad was young Albert All dressed in his best; quite a swell With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle The finest that Woolworth's could sell. They didn't think much to the Ocean The waves, they were fiddlin' and small There was no wrecks and nobody drownded Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all. So, seeking for further amusement They paid and went into the zoo Where they'd lions and tigers and camels And old ale and sandwiches too. There were one great big lion called Wallace His nose were all covered with scars He lay in a somnolent posture With the side of his face on the bars. Now Albert had heard about lions How they was ferocious and wild To see Wallace lying so peaceful Well, it didn't seem right to the child. So straight 'way the brave little feller Not showing a morsel of fear Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle And shoved it in Wallace's ear. You could see the lion didn't like it For giving a kind of a roll He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'Im And swallowed the little lad 'ole Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence And didn't know what to do next Said "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert" And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!" Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom Quite rightly, when all's said and done Complained to the Animal Keeper That the lion had eaten their son. The keeper was quite nice about it He said "What a nasty mishap Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?" Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!" The manager had to be sent for He came and he said "What's to do?" Pa said "Yon lion's 'et Albert And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too." Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller I think it's a shame and a sin For a lion to go and eat Albert And after we've paid to come in." The manager wanted no trouble He took out his purse right away Saying "How much to settle the matter?" And Pa said "What do you usually pay?" But Mother had turned a bit awkward When she thought where her Albert had gone She said "No! someone's got to be summonsed" So that was decided upon. Then off they went to the Police Station In front of the Magistrate chap They told 'Im what happened to Albert And proved it by showing his cap. The Magistrate gave his opinion That no one was really to blame And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms Would have further sons to their name. At that Mother got proper blazing "And thank you, sir, kindly," said she "What waste all our lives raising children To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"