The Society Upon the Stanislaus

I reside at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James;     I am not up to small deceit or any sinful games;     And Ill tell in simple language what I know about the row     That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow.     But first I would remark, that it is not a proper plan     For any scientific gent to whale his fellow-man,     And, if a member dont agree with his peculiar whim,     To lay for that same member for to put a head on him.     Now nothing could be finer or more beautiful to see     Than the first six months proceedings of that same Society,     Till Brown of Calaveras brought a lot of fossil bones     That he found within a tunnel near the tenement of Jones.     Then Brown he read a paper, and he reconstructed there,     From those same bones, an animal that was extremely rare;     And Jones then asked the Chair for a suspension of the rules,     Till he could prove that those same bones was one of his lost mules.     Then Brown he smiled a bitter smile, and said he was at fault,     It seemed he had been trespassing on Joness family vault;     He was a most sarcastic man, this quiet Mr. Brown,     And on several occasions he had cleaned out the town.     Now I hold it is not decent for a scientific gent     To say another is an ass, at least, to all intent;     Nor should the individual who happens to be meant     Reply by heaving rocks at him, to any great extent.     Then Abner Dean of Angels raised a point of order, when     A chunk of old red sandstone took him in the abdomen,     And he smiled a kind of sickly smile, and curled up on the floor,     And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more.     For, in less time than I write it, every member did engage     In a warfare with the remnants of a palaeozoic age;     And the way they heaved those fossils in their anger was a sin,     Till the skull of an old mammoth caved the head of Thompson in.     And this is all I have to say of these improper games,     For I live at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James;     And Ive told in simple language what I know about the row     That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow.