The Waesome Carl

There cam a man to oor toon-en',         And a waesome carl was he,     Snipie-nebbit, and crookit-mou'd,         And gleyt o' a blinterin ee.     Muckle he spied, and muckle he spak,         But the owercome o' his sang,     Whatever it said, was aye the same:--         There's nane o' ye a' but's wrang!                 Ye're a' wrang, and a' wrang,                 And a'thegither a' wrang:                 There's no a man aboot the toon                 But's a'thegither a' wrang.     That's no the gait to fire the breid,         Nor yet to brew the yill;     That's no the gait to haud the pleuch,         Nor yet to ca the mill;     That's no the gait to milk the coo,         Nor yet to spean the calf,     Nor yet to tramp the girnel-meal--         Ye kenna yer wark by half!                 Ye're a' wrang, &c.     The minister wasna fit to pray         And lat alane to preach;     He nowther had the gift o' grace         Nor yet the gift o' speech!     He mind't him o' Balam's ass,         Wi' a differ we micht ken:     The Lord he opened the ass's mou,         The minister opened's ain!                 He was a' wrang, and a' wrang,                 And a'thegither a' wrang;                 There wasna a man aboot the toon                 But was a'thegither a' wrang!     The puir precentor couldna sing,         He gruntit like a swine;     The verra elders couldna pass         The ladles til his min'.     And for the rulin' elder's grace         It wasna worth a horn;     He didna half uncurse the meat,         Nor pray for mair the morn!                 He was a' wrang, &c.     And aye he gied his nose a thraw,         And aye he crook't his mou;     And aye he cockit up his ee         And said, Tak tent the noo!     We snichert hint oor loof, my man,         But never said him nay;     As gien he had been a prophet, man,         We loot him say his say:             Ye're a' wrang, &c.     Quo oor gudeman: The crater's daft!         Heard ye ever sic a claik?     Lat's see gien he can turn a ban',         Or only luik and craik!     It's true we maunna lippin til him--         He's fairly crack wi' pride,     But he maun live--we canna kill him!         Gien he can work, he s' bide.             He was a' wrang, and a' wrang,             And a'thegither a' wrang;             There, troth, the gudeman o' the toon             Was a'thegither a' wrang!     Quo he, It's but a laddie's turn,         But best the first be a sma' thing:     There's a' thae weyds to gether and burn,         And he's the man for a' thing!--     We yokit for the far hill-moss,         There was peats to cast and ca;     O' 's company we thoucht na loss,         'Twas peace till gloamin-fa'!             We war a' wrang, and a' wrang,             And a'thegither a' wrang;             There wasna man aboot the toon             But was a'thegither a' wrang!     For, losh, or it was denner-time         The toon was in a low!     The reek rase up as it had been         Frae Sodom-flames, I vow.     We lowst and rade like mad, for byre         And ruck bleezt a' thegither,     As gien the deil had broucht the fire         Frae's hell to mak anither!             'Twas a' wrang, and a' wrang,             And a'thegither a' wrang,             Stick and strae aboot the place             Was a'thegither a' wrang!     And luikin on, ban's neth his tails,         The waesome carl stude;     To see him wagglin at thae tails         'Maist drave 's a' fairly wud.     Ain wite! he cried; I tauld ye sae!         Ye're a' wrang to the last:     What gart ye burn thae deevilich weyds         Whan the win' blew frae the wast!             Ye're a' wrang, and a' wrang,             And a'thegither a' wrang;             There's no a man i' this fule warl             But's a'thegither a' wrang!