To a Friend Studying German

Si liceret te amare     Ad Suevorum magnum mare     Sponsam te perducerem     - Tristicia Amorosa.     Frau Aventiure,     von J. V. Scheffel.     Villst dou learn die Deutsche Sprache?     Denn set it on your card,     Dat all the nouns have shenders,     Und de shenders all are hard.     Dere ish also dings called pronoms,     Vitch ids shoost ash vell to know;     Boot ach! de verbs or time-words     Deyll work you bitter woe.     Willst dou learn de Deutsche Sprche?     Den you allatag moost go     To sinfonies, sonatas,     Or an oratorio.     Vhen you dinks you knows pout musik,     More ash any other man,     Be sure de soul of Deutschland     Into your soul ish ran.     Willst dou learn de Deutsche Sprache?     Dou moost eat apout a peck     A week of stinging sauerkraut,     Und sefen pfoundts of speck.     Mit Gott knows vot in vinegar,     Und deuce knows vot in rum:     Dis ish de only cerdain vay     To make de accents coom.     Willst dou learn de Deutsche Sprache?     Brepare dein soul to shtand     Soosh sendences ash neer vas heardt     In any oder land.     Till dou canst make parentheses     Intwisted-ohne zahl     Dann wirst du erst Deutschfertig seyn,     For a languashe idel.     Willst dou learn de Deutsche Sprache?     Du must mitout an fear     Trink afery tay an gallon dry,     Of foamin Sherman bier.     Und de more you trinks, pe certain,     More Deutsch youll surely pe;     For Gambrinus ish de Emperor     Of de whole of Germany.     Willst dou learn de Deutsche Sprache?     Be sholly, brav, und treu,     For dat veller ish kein Deutscher     Who ish not a sholly poy.     Find out vot means Gem?tlichkeit,     Und do it mitout fail,     In Sang und Klang dein Lebenlang,     A brick-ganz kreuzfidl.     Willst dou learn de Deutsche Sprache?     If a shendleman dou art,     Denn shtrike right indo Deutschland,     Und get a schveetes heart.     From Schwabenland or Sachsen     Vhere now dis writer pees;     Und de bretty girls all wachsen     Shoost like aepples on de drees.     Boot if dou beest a laty,     Denn on de oder hand,     Take a blonde moustachioed lofer     In de vine green Sherman land.     Und if you shoost kit married     (Vood mit vood soon makes a vire),     Youll learn to sprechen Deutsch mein kind,     Ash fast ash you tesire.