God-Mart
By agora
God-MartGood morning.Thank you for calling God-Mart.How may we help you today?No, I’m sorry, our CEO cannot be reached through this line.May I help instead?No,I’m afraid we cannot kill your neighbourBecause his lawn mower is too loud.Not at present anyway.The Angel of Death is busier than he’s been in a very long time.Sorry about that.Yes, we do accept penance coupons.We have a special dispensation for adultery today.No, sloth and gluttony discounts were only available last week.Yes,My records tell me we did receive your last prayer.Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.Yes, we can apply the prayer to your wife’s account.Pardon me?Did you say you don’t want anything more for yourself?You would like to donate your accumulated grace credits to all humanity?For a moment I didn’t think I heard you right.We don’t get many requests like that around here.Mostly we get requests for a good layOr a good carOr a new computer.Yes, I’m processing your order even as we speak.No sir, I cannot turn your neighbour’s lawn mower into toxic jelly.Nice try though.Have a nice day. Written October 21st, 2001 © on Oct 21 2001 03:11 AM PST 0 • 13
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"God-MartGood morning.Thank you for calling God-Mart.How may we help you today?No, I’m sorry, our CEO cannot be reached through this line.May I help instead?No,I’m afraid we cannot kill your neighbourBecause his lawn mower is too loud.Not at present anyway.The Angel of Death is busier than he’s been in a very long time.Sorry about that.Yes, we do accept penance coupons.We have a special dispensation for adultery today.No, sloth and gluttony discounts were only available last week.Yes,My records tell me we did receive your last prayer.Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.Yes, we can apply the prayer to your wife’s account.Pardon me?Did you say you don’t want anything more for yourself?You would like to donate your accumulated grace credits to all humanity?For a moment I didn’t think I heard you right.We don’t get many requests like that around here.Mostly we get requests for a good layOr a good carOr a new computer.Yes, I’m processing your order even as we speak.No sir, I cannot turn your neighbour’s lawn mower into toxic jelly.Nice try though.Have a nice day...."