Adventures in bagel eating *challenge poem*

I went out for a bagel That’s how it started, the simple need for sustenance I went home from school to grab the Geo Since I didn’t want to walk to the store That would be helping out Mother Nature Fuck her, the bitch needs to retire I turned on the radio to “Turning Japanese” the 80’s song Once I heard that song, I knew it would be chaotic trip indeed That’s when the phone started ringing That’s rather odd I thought I have no cell phone The Geo has no car phone, but sure enough the car phone was ringing I did the only logical thing I picked up the phone Sure enough it was the owner of the automobile Apparently I didn’t go home, I walked to the corner store Saw a car that was already started and just hopped in I forgot to take my pretty pills again He took some offence to me having his automobile And in his own unique way of handling the situation Stated that he was going to rip my innards out and make sausage out of my intestines Too bad you can’t catch me since I’ve got your wheels bastard! Chaka boom baka, mother bitch! This is when I hung up And called one nine hundred numbers for the rest of my drive Now an update you, I’m hungry, I’m in a stolen car, and no clue where to go Hey a chicken farm… I wonder how many chickens you can put in the trunk? I now know the answer to that one hundred and thirty eight  Hey the boarder!!! Lets go to Buffalo!! I’ll get top dollar for these mystical 'trunk chickens' I just have to smuggle them across the boarder Well that didn’t go to well Fucking chickens wouldn’t shut up!! The boarder guard asked me what was in the trunk He didn’t respond very well to “What trunk? I’m not smuggling Ivory, hate monger!!!” And then tried to make a get away in park… After a full cavity search, the chickens were confiscated and the car was impounded What’s a boy to do in Niagara Falls with no car, no chickens and no way home? Time to hit the casinos!!! Apparently Casinos shun you for making up your own games to gamble on like: Which tourist will back up the toilet first? The fat bastard OR the toothless senior? Over glorified hall monitors!!! I’ll show them!!! A little bit of exlax goes a long way That’s when I landed in the worst place ever not jail, no far worse! Working at a souvenir shop, part time, during their peak season So many bastard children, always with the ice cream falling on the carpet That comes out of my paycheck you little shits!!! This is why I hired a midget named Marcos to make those pint-sized hellions PAY!! Such a tiny man smashing beer bottles over such undeveloped skulls So the souvenir business didn’t pan out the way I thought it would I’ve still got Marcos to watch my back Too bad I threw him over the falls He needed a bath real bad!!! Falling to freedom Cursing my very existence When I came to a few days later I noticed I wasn't near the falls? I  then discovered I was in Hamilton For the life of me I cannot figure out how I got to Hamilton? I assume that I got ran out of town with pitchforks and torches a blazing! This trip started out innocently enough But now an adventure has only begun"I want a bagel! its that simple, so I decided to leave my tower and go get one. If you read a night on the town before this or I guess after this. You’ll understand it a bit better I hope and if not meh it gave me something to do while PS to everyone who has already read it thanks! Written March 20th, 2002 © on Mar 20 2002 01:31 PM PST   18 • 0 • 10