The night plays a cruel trick on you and I

New rule No more late night java All it leads to is heartache and betrayal I couldn't believe that I told Carrie that I liked her I came off as a love struck fool One that was completely secure with he was saying at the time For a minute there it was going ok Timing is always everything Personally I've always had horrible timing Tonight was no exception I didn't have the chance to tell her that things aren't going to be the same I don't see how they can be The only way in my mind to save the relationship Is To date To make love To fuck Which only prolongs the magic I've done all that I can do as a friend I'm burned out Now Irene said some lovely stuff ‘Just think about number one’ WHICH I've never done before That would hurt Carrie the most Not to mention myself I'm alone again Just me going solo Down a cold, dark, wet path Wind blowing every direction I was right when I said that this was a sign That this would all end wrong I lost my best friend, the only one that has mattered to me In a long, long time The one that I love Not in the typical sense though Maybe that's why this hurts so Like it has ever hurt before Neil Young and beer are very comforting Now she's gone like a shooting star, to quote Neil I guess I'm going to go see her tomorrow and surprise her Just like in the movies BUT this isn't the movie If it was the movies Carrie would have ran after me When I left that cursed coffee house We would have made out in the rain For days Upon days I keep telling myself that I didn't want to fuck her I didn't want to date her I only wanted Carrie as a friend Everything is wrong I know that now I know that she did like me, at one time in her life But like I typed earlier Timing is everything I was too late, just coming up to the turn now When she had already been there and back Pacing and waiting for me to show up Like she had done to me so many times before How do I keep hurting myself like this? I just want to sit here in the dark Alone To think And to drink With only the times of joy to recall Fuck me What am I going to do with me? I guess Only time will see What shall happen? To you and to me Pick myself up and walk away I guess To keep searching for home For the scent that Carrie Carries on her very soul The scent of love The smell of home Time to continue on my way To keep on walking home Looking to the darkened sky Hoping for another surprise Left to be unraveled In nights disguiseI wrote this many, many, moons ago. I did change the 'ones' name to hide her true identity. Even though I had a hard time changing it. But it’s better for her true name to be left out. It’s in the past. I felt the need to show this to everyone Sometimes, you really are stuck in a moment. That you’ll relive forever… Smacking your head in stupidity wondering if things would have been different between her and me. That’s the whole mystery of life though. It really is a Choose Your Own Adventure. One that you can’t turn the pages back. Just because you made the wrong move. Written January 27th, 2002 © on Jan 27 2002 01:40 PM PST   18 • 0 • 1