Alone

I've started so many lines sitting here all alone but the reality is what I have always known I really don't have anyone that is ALWAYS there and the reality of this is more than I can bare I lost the only person who loves me to cancer I've thought many times ending my life would be the answer my heart aches needing my family to understand but there love is something that I refuse to demand I want so much to be loved and have someone on my side on this page my true thoughts and feelings I'll confide because emptiness and hurt I hide behind a fake smile and sometimes it's enough to get me by for a while someone might look beyond the surface to say what's wrong but it's too hard to express what you have felt for so long so I just lie and say that everything is alright even though I cry alone in bed night after night then morning comes and it is the same empty day what could I have done for all this lonliness I pay so many people tell me how good I have it but independance don't buy happiness is what they don't get I'm trying hard to be happy on my own and from past mistakes I have learned and grown the truth is I just need to be loved but time after time my heart gets pushed and shoved I want so much to find my true happiness and soul mate after thirty years I wonder is this my fate?COMMENTS: It's just been one of those ....! Written January 4th, 2002 © on Jan 04 2002 09:03 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1