Reality

Here I am at home tonight thinking about the weekend I spent in your arms the discussions and the laughter- making love - you holding me tight the things I like about you are too numerous to count, but so much is wrong I need to keep space between us to protect myself from the "inevitable" You have been honest enough to share what you want and what makes you happy and those wants don't begin to resemble who I am and what I want or need not to mention what you did in front of me I am sure it was your way of pushing me away and making me see the light  but being the person I am, I sat watching curiously, scared and hurt I guess I needed to hear your words and see your actions to really know you what I realized at that point was I needed to leave and say goodbye while the words you spoke were fresh and your actions vivid and defined before my heart lets me bury the memory my head knows I need to act on  I need to realize and let it go before another day has passed  I know I've wasted time already, I thought maybe you would change your mind I have to be true to myself & get strong b/c I know what I'm looking for  and your goals and priorities don't begin to match mine I am sad because of the good times and possibilities we will miss together if you were just ready to explore these possibilities you'd be surprised  but that is not an option in your world at this time I wish you would say that is how you feel now but maybe....someday however that clause was never part of the deal - only not to be loved so, I will pray now for the strength to do what I know must be done  to save myself another heartache that I just can't face I still hope the love and romance I dream about is real and out there waiting-looking for me-wishing on a star I will find him, toomore or less a letter - I just needed to vent Written January 2nd, 2002 © on Jan 01 2002 03:45 PM PST   18 • 0 • 8