Compared to a Cigarette?
We sat in a comfortable silence,On a sidewalk in the rain On a crowded street near St. Paul.We took pleasure in sharing cigarettes and time,Observing awkward people in a hurry passing by...I couldn't help myself from staring at him ,From the corner of my eye.He noticed my adoring him, he smiled and stoodAnd led me down the busy streets... Walking hand in handWe made our way to Montebello, Taking shelter in a cold, sweet gazeboWe sat smoking, inhaling, exhaling Watching, enjoying every breath we shared togetherHe stared at me... I stared back Wide eyed and full of loveHe told me he could see himself in my eyes.And in me, he saw things about him that He could never see in himself, He wanted to spend his life with me.He continued as I listened, He called me his sweet nicotineHe knows that I'm not good for himBut he loves me anyway.My tasteMy scentEverything about me...He's addicted to everything about me.. He likes to be adoredAnd I gave him peace of mind.Okay, I need to know what's wrong with this piece... I've changed the titled three times, but something still doesn't seem right, any suggestions? Written October 16th, 2001 © on Oct 17 2001 11:43 AM PST 0 • 8
AI analysis available. Enable JavaScript to interact.
About this line
"We sat in a comfortable silence,On a sidewalk in the rain On a crowded street near St. Paul.We took pleasure in sharing cigarettes and time,Observing awkward people in a hurry passing by...I couldn't help myself from staring at him ,From the corner of my eye.He noticed my adoring him, he smiled and stoodAnd led me down the busy streets... Walking hand in handWe made our way to Montebello, Taking shelter in a cold, sweet gazeboWe sat smoking, inhaling, exhaling Watching, enjoying every breath we shared togetherHe stared at me... I stared back Wide eyed and full of loveHe told me he could see himself in my eyes.And in me, he saw things about him that He could never see in himself, He wanted to spend his life with me.He continued as I listened, He called me his sweet nicotineHe knows that I'm not good for himBut he loves me anyway.My tasteMy scentEverything about me...He's addicted to everything about me.. He likes to be adoredAnd I gave him peace of mind.Okay, I need to know what's wrong with this piece... I've changed the titled three times, but something still doesn't seem right, any suggestions?..."