Ketamine 5 - A Gasp and a Sigh

Sharp inhalation. Eyelids burst open. Adrenal glands push. Blood flows quicker. I was awake. At least, I thought I was awake… Somehow, just before I crossed the threshold of whatever it was, I had been drug blind and screaming from my mind. I was disoriented as though I had been spun in circles underwater and been exposed to a hundred flashbulbs at once. There was a vague awareness of my body being intact, and I recognized the shape of the looming surgeon. The whole ordeal was over. Finally. I began speaking to him. “That wasn’t so terrible,” I spoke. “Zrughfmuh jrbl rmuglmlb,” spoke my mouth, as later reported. My eyes, at this point, became adjusted to the blinding overhead light, and I was able to see detail around me. Everything was oaken, made out of living wood. A sea of cedar grain was all that existed, no shadows, no depth, nothing else. I was quite stunned, and I subconsciously reacted to something so very logically flawed by slipping back into the psychedelic cocoon which had crystallized in and around the folds of my mind. There, at that point on the line of my life, was laid the most terrifyingly dissociative experience I have known. In the light of contrast, it must have truly been awful to find comfort in the transition from it back to the fever dream my world had become. Written January 9th, 2002 © on Jan 08 2002 03:50 PM PST   0 • 10