Unfinished - Adventures of Dabs and Char

Friends forever we will be, 2 buds, just you and me, And the poo will fall down, Like a brown stinky crown, Then we eat some mango, And you and Bes will do the tango I will watch and start to laugh Coz little boy Bes did a fart When he stops blowing wind (Meaning father oh he sinned) I will grab him by the head And whack his little Bes bum to bed And when boy Bes wakes I will hit him with ten steaks And when his lights are out I will make him catch some trout Oh little girl I forgot about you While you were doing little girl poo I pick you up and fling you far You’ll look like a shooting star Burning in the atmosphere You’ll be holding your raw red rear And when you land You and Bes will be on the sand… …Hand in hand Watching the dolphin band As darkness comes there appears a moon Glistening over this peaceful lagoon Bes looks at char, and leans in for a kiss, Suddenly out of the sky falls a witch, The witch stands up, and dusts herself off, Then says in a cackle, “My name is Mandoff” With a wink of an eye she disappears, “What an ugly witch,” Bes sneers Char stands up and starts to reach, For on a tree there is some sort of odd-looking peach, She then takes a refreshing bite, Then screams and drops the peach in fright, For out of that peach walks dabs, Holding hands with kebabishab, They are very small, but seem quite happy, Oh my god, kebabishab is wearing a nappy, Bes starts to runaway, Coz he’s scared of dabs with her stupid Dabs ways, Char looks at dabs and says, “you crap” Kebabishab lies down and starts taking a nap We have to go find Bes, char said. If you don’t help I’ll bash your stupid dabs head, Where ever could poor Bes be? I ask “Beats Me,” says dabs as she put on a mask, She then takes a bite of the peach and grows big, Then out of the bushes waddles a talking pig Says the pig “why look so sad little ladies?” Kebabishab wakes up and says, “I want 10 thousand Babies!” Says char “we’ll tell you why we’re looking sad Mr. Pig” Says the pig “Don’t call me that, my name is Laschmig” Says char “well Laschmig, our friend Bes is lost” She then turns to dabs, looking quite cross. Says Laschmig “What does he look like? I may have seen him “ Says char “He has brown hair, brown eyes, and looks quite slim.” Kebabishab gets up and walks off, Says Laschmig “The witch has him, the witch named Mandoff!” Dabs says “Is this witch good or bad?” “I’m afraid she is evil…” says Laschmig looking sad. “Shit,” says char looking a bit pissed off, “Where do we find this witch named Mandoff?” Says Laschmig; “We must swim through the ocean, and over the hills, Through a dark cave and past the windmills, We must fly up high to the first cloud we see, Then west til we come to the house of a bee, We will go to the backyard of the bees’ house you’ll see, Then up a magnificently marvellous tree. As we climb up the tree we will come to a door, That’s decorated with pictures of fairies and more, We will knock on this door until someone comes out, Dabs can you get rid of that fly on my snout? The one who comes out will me my good friend, Who will help us save Bes and be there til the end? We will climb up the tree til we get to the top, We can’t go any further so we’ll just have to stop. Facing our right there will be a magic wand, And to our left there will be a small pond, We will pick up the wand and throw it into the water, By then I will probably be suffering from nausea, The water will dry up and we will be facing a dome, A dome that looks like it’s bigger than Rome, The dome looks demented, it’s not finished but it’s on its way, Well you know what they say Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Says dabs and char “Shut up Laschmig!” You’re blabbering on like a stupid old pig.” Says Laschmig “I was simply just trying to help eh?” But since you don’t want me I’ll be on my way Says char “No Laschmig, we are sorry please stay!” “You’ve insulted me ladies there’s nothing more to say” So off waddles Laschmig into the horizon, Says Dabs to Char “Now he’s truly gone” “We shouldn’t have said that, it’s all our fault” Char says, “No, he shouldn’t have left over a stupid insult!” “Anyway, we have to work out how to save Bes from the witch, Why did she take him? She’s such a bitch!” Dabs sees Laschmig and licks her lips, “You’ve been help now your going to my hips” Char nods and grabs Laschmig “Yummy yummy little fat pig” Dabs and char roast Laschmig And remembers little Bes and the witch with the wig They run to the forest and pound on the ground They here an ugly cackling sound Dabs sees the witch “you dumb fat hag” Char laughs and stuff the witch in a bag She thump he hard and the floor The witch yelps so char does it more, She sees dear Bes and gives him a soft kiss Dabs makes gagging noises and needs to piss. She runs to Mc Donalds and to the bathroom Char laughs and orders a mushroom A stupid bird with one leg Passes by her nose clamped with a peg, She squawks and squeals idiotically And dabs come from the toilet after her pee She grabs the bird and squeezes it tight “Can I keep him for my bed tonight?” The bird nips Dabs’s hand and she scream in pain She throws the bird outside in the acid rain The bird melts and all that is left A little bonzi monkey reciting a poem “Me is good me is monkey Me is good and me is spunky” Dab grabs him and bits him hard “You stupid talking lard!” Starts Char "Now Dabs, don't be so harsh…" But is interrupted by Bes jumping out of a marsh, Char and Dabs just stare, they are in quite a shock, Blurts out Bonzi "Anyone wanna see my pet rock?" "That’s it!" Screams Char as she chucks Bonzi in a bush far back, But the monkey hops out and skips merrily back Bes is covered with mud and slimy green goo, Asks Dabs "Jeez, what happened to you?" Bes replied with a sneer "Some half eaten pig threw me in here" Dabs and char both gasp "No it can't be, The pig named Laschmig Has come back from hell, gee..." Dabs got frustrated and flicked Bes away But the poor boy got stuck in the volcano, Pompeii! Char and Dabs trekked to the fiery hill When all of a sudden lava began to spill Bes got scorched and all the remained Was an ivory skeleton, locked in magma chains Dabs began to hysterically laugh Before char got grossed out and began to barf Dabs held back chars long golden hair Out jumped a fire cow and began to stare Moo, moo the cow said Moo moo dabs replied putting char in bed The bed was made from lava-like bubbles as char began to burn dabs thought ‘Uh oh, I’m in trouble.’ She put an ice block on chars pale head And hoped that she wouldn’t burn till she was dead. The cows red eyes flashed violently As dabs sung to a birdhouse mentally. ‘Birdhouse…’ She screamed going insane From the bushes jumped a lion with feathers for a mane. ‘That lion!’ Dabs gasped, looking frightened and scared. ‘That lion got into my birdhouse and ate the birds’ pear!’ ‘My gosh’ Said char as she sat up The lion pranced around roaring. ‘Oh god shutup!’ As char got mad she grew very tall Dabs quivered at the sight of the tall Neanderthal ‘What’s wrong?’ char bellowed, no knowing what was going on. ‘I just never realised how beautiful you are.’ Said dabs as her fake smile shone. She looks to the volcano as a rumble sounded Laschmig bounded up, looking dumbfounded. “Oh my god, Laschmig the pig, There is charlotte looking quite big.” “Not plump as you, Laschmig!” Char roared, shaking the ground, “Earthquake, earthquake!” Screamed Bonzi, frantically bouncing around. “Oh no, I forgot about you!” Whined Dabs in a riot. Noticing Char, Bonzi yelled, “Holy crap! It’s an ugly great giant!” “I am not!” Argued Char, looking quite hurt. “Just look in the mirror!” Suggested the cow as they heard a loud squirt. Lava was cascading out of the boiling volcano, And with it, Bes. Gasped Dabs, “It can’t be, no!” Laschmig whimpered, “He’s back from the dead.” “Indeed I am.” Announced Bes, clutching his head. “Would someone inform me of what’s going on!” Demanded Char. Answered Bes, “Well it’s quite simple really, I just…what the?” He gaped up at Char and hid behind the red-eyed cow, “What?” Barked Char and Bes squeaked, “You are looking so pretty now.” As Char beamed she shrunk back down, Said Bonzi suddenly, “Is Laschmig a noun?” “Of course it is!” Cried Laschmig, thinking he was so cool. “It’s not,” Corrected Dabs, “Didn’t you losers ever go to school?” Bes smiled at Char and tried to hug her, He said, “We’ll be together forever and ever.” Char threw him off and gave a disgusted look. “You were dead!” She exclaimed, “It’s over you sook!” Bes lay down and began to weep, “Oh shush!” Said Dabs, “Now who’s the freak?” Dabs kicked Bes in the ass into a river; out of Bes' mouth grew a fat liver “Oh for goodness sake!” Said Char, looking quite ill. Bes squirmed and Char said, “I can’t get this out if you won’t hold still!” The thick little boy moved more and on the liver he still choked, Char shouted “Screwy Uppery!” And stillness the magic evoked. Bes stopped moving and choking at that, So Char shoved the liver back down to his fat. Dabs clenched her nose as the smell of blood came at a waft, There was rustling in the bushes and out came Mandoff! She cackled a cackle so murderous and a high pitch, That horrible mutant, that ugly green witch! “Where is Bes!” She bellowed, “You better not lie!” Bonzi stammered, “He said he was off to eat steak and kidney pie.” Char looked around the forest, up and down did she, and she spotted Bes nibbling pie in a tree. She also saw a fury mouth take a sip of tea, and realised Bes was sitting next to a golden monkey! Dabs saw him too and began to shout, “There he is! There he…” But finished in mumbles as Char covered Dabs' mouth. “We don’t want him dead!” Char whispered harshly, nervously glancing around. “Speak for yourself…” Dabs muttered, disappointedly let down. Panic commenced as Char thought frantically what to do, but before she could finish the cow stifled a “Moo!” He jumped violently on the screaming witch, By this time Dabs had realised they were now in a ditch. Dabs gasped and heaved the red-eyed cow off, Scared to see what were the remains of the bitchy Mandoff. Char admiringly waved her arms as if they were flippers, For replacing the witch, were two ruby slippers. Dabs pondered. “Hey, doesn’t this seem familiar in anyway?” But Char wasn’t listening and slid the shoes on right away. In a wisp of red smoke, Char had disappeared, and just as suddenly Dabs grew a beard. The golden monkey and Bes jumped out of the tree; Bonzi turned to the monkey and was praying on his knees, “The great god Yannick!” He breathlessly said. “Yes my dear chimp.” Said Yannick, his ears turning red. “Oh no not again, another stupid journey.” Said Dabs wishing she had her attourney... Written March 8th, 1999 © on Jan 06 2002 09:10 PM PST   0 • 14