Let Go (A Suicide Letter)

We will never know, How things could have been. It's all my fault, It was my choice. I caused all the pain, I caused all the problems. I could have been the one to make you happy. This is the saddest story. I wish I could change everything. Make this the begining, Instead of the end. Everything I touch, Turns to dust. There is no end to this, Long list of failures. Only arguements and shame. I can't change it. You won't let me. I can't force this issue, I messed it all up again. For the ones I cared for, That cared for me back. I ran away from you, I could not commit! I could not turn back! When I was finnally ready to, I was forced to forget you. My devotion did not matter, Nor the tears I cried. No matter what I tried, In the end I always seemed to cry. You've been telling me, "None of it was my fault." That "you" understand. I've told you what I would tell no one. Things I have kept hidden; Things that no one could understand. Still I don't think you see, Or comprehend; I CAN'T LET GO! I CAN'T EVER FORGET! Or feel I didn't play some part, In what happened. I'm so scared of letting go. Letting you see all my fears, Seeing all my weaknesses. With eachone, A little bit of me died. Part of my soul was ripped away. I know you want to hear me out. But I'm afraid if I start, I'll never stop. I hope this life without me, Leaves everyone happy. It's the end to my pain and suffering. No need to question my motives. I let myself go, To fly with spirits. To just be free. This ends it all; goodbye. Goodbye to everyone... Includeing me. Written February 21st, 2002 © on Feb 21 2002 12:17 PM PST, Jessica Taylor   18 • 0 • 1