It isn't easy

IT IS’NT EASY It isn’t easy, A mother watching. Once standing proud and tall, Where did it go, That strength? Once built a long stone wall, Climbed trees, Danced in the rain. No longer that man I see. Now, pain, Behind laughing eyes, Masking bitter misery. It isn’t easy. Afraid to show concern, or tears, Devastated that he should see, This affliction taking control, Gnawing away at me. Is not enough to be yet blind? I wear that responsibility. Now legs, Chest, Arms, Face, Not what they should be. It isn’t easy. Begging the Almighty, Pleading, Make it me, Not him. Asking, “Why LORD, should it be, Suffering so, This seed of me”? So many lessons have I learned, So many more ahead. Finding answers in the scriptures, Devoured, as they are read. It isn’t easy. Emerging stronger every day, Then doubts, and fears, set in.. Know we are strongest when weakest, Yet, Questions assail again. Why him? Why me? LORD GOD above, Hear a mother’s plea. The battle that we wage within, Can be no mystery. It isn’t easy. So much is lost, I watch him, Trace soft fingers of love, Face sorrowful, in despair, Photographed dainty faces, Little ones, No longer in his care. Watching pain invading, That handsome, boyish face, LORD, let it be that I, His mother, Could somehow take his place. It isn’t easy. From one day, to another, Striving for independence, Dignity. Not allowing pain, or weakness, To let him lean on me. Far from his beloved shining star, Sweet dimpled baby son. Would we could change history, See past mistakes undone. It isn’t easy. Yet, know within a surging pride, A joy to know this one. Mad, delightful, Gecko man, Loving, precious son. Still protective, caring, for his Mum, Even in darkest, bloodiest hours. Reassurance, The HOLY SPIRIT, Guards him within almighty powers. Yet, It isn’t easy. Through all the trying moments, Black moods, Loud music, Clicking PC. A need to state out loud, Proudly, Publicly, For all the world to see. It isn’t easy Gecko man, But, within my heart it is true, I’m finding it easy to keep my faith, It is very easy, In my love for you. Written February 27th, 2002 © on Feb 27 2002 11:02 AM PST, Patricia Rosenberg   18 • 0 • 1