One Year Ago

One year ago today,           I brought you here…     But I did not want to…     And I had to leave you here…     One year ago,           and 4 days,               from this moment,                     we were so happy together…     We had plans for the next day,           to do something               neither of us                     had ever done…     The rest of the day           went pretty much               as planned…     Our friends came into town,           we went to a party…     That night,           at first,               nothing out of the ordinary,                     but some sickness,                         you had…     Then later that night,           something terrible happened…     Something horrible…     A sickness that neither           of us expected,               took you away from me…     You died in my arms that night…     They were able           to restart your heart,               a little while later…     But you never regained consciousness…     And four days later,           one year ago,               today,                     at this moment,                         you died in my arms,                               a second time…     Yet this time,           you would not come back…     My life has taken           many turns since then,               many ups and downs…     For a while           I did not think               I would survive…     Then an old friend,           one you had never met,               walked into my life.     We talked on the phone,           a tremendous amount,               caring started,                     then love…     There have been many more           ups and downs since that time…     She heard so much           in those days,               I honestly don’t know                     how she listened…     but she did...     Then when the love           began to grow,               I realized something                     I did not know…     You had held onto my heart,           and I had held onto your love…     She also realized it,           before I did…     I guess I knew, somehow           that one day,               I would have to release                     my love for you…     For it is unfair to her,           for me to be               in love with you,                     and to try                         and be in love with her…     So just a short time ago,           I wrestled with the idea,               of letting go,                     for once and for all…     I fought that for so long…     For I had used your love,           as a crutch               when times were bad                     for me…     Instead of placing           my heart out there,               for it to be hurt again,                     you protected it from harm…     And now today,           at this place I left you,               one year ago, today…     I ask you to release           my heart from your grip,               as I release yours from mine…     I must be alone for a while;           so I can find someone special…     That someone, is me…     I’ll give my heart away again soon…     This time it will be to someone,           just as special,               just as loving;                     just as caring,                         as you…     I don’t know           what all my tomorrows               will bring,                     for none of us do…     But one day,           I do firmly believe,               I will find                     that special kind of love,                         you and I had…     I do also believe now,           I know who that love will be with…     She is here,           beside me,               with me…     Can you see her?     You did what you did,           one year ago today…     To sacrifice yourself,           for me…     And now it appears,           for her…     Little did I know,           she would be the one,               who would benefit                     from our love,                         and what I learned from it…     She will realize one day,           that love,               in it’s many forms,                     should always be pure,                         given freely,                               without hope of return…     I release you,           my lady love,               here and now…     Please release me...           for I must move on,               as you would have it…     Before I leave this place,           there is something               I must also say,                     to you:     I thank you for your sacrifice,           for me.     For you knew what           would happen to me,               if you did not…     You did           what you did,               for me,                     out of your love,                         your total,                               never dying love,                                   for me…     So that I may live...     So that I may grow;     So that I           may find love again,               find happiness again...     Unfortunately that love and happiness           will not be with you…     But that happiness and love           will be because of you,               and what we had…     As we leave this place today,           my heart is heavy,               with the grief,                     I still feel at the thought                         of your loss…     But I will get past it,           one day               and move on                     with my life…     She and I will hopefully find           that special kind of love,               you and I shared…     The happiness,           that comes with contentment,               for one person                     cannot make                         another person happy…     All they can do           is provide the environment,               for the other person                     to be truly happy…     Please continue           to keep watch               over us…     For we will need           all the help we can get…     If you can provide it,           that is…     It will help us to know,           that you are there…     To hopefully make sure,           that we do it right…     © Jonathan Wikkins November 13, 2001     Revised February 21, 2008     All Rights ReservedWritten November 13th, 2001 © on Nov 13 2001 09:58 AM PST, David Michael Shurtleff    pain • sad • hope • love