Overdue Thanks

I’m trying so hard to be happy Like everyone wants me to be It’s just so hard to keep a smile When no one even notices me There are people that are wise That tell me I am in the right For wearing what I want to No shirt of mine is too tight These elders often praise me For not conforming to trends I wonder if they ever notice That I never had many friends? Yes, I stand apart from them My esteemed popular peers I melt into the background Don’t even earn their sneers I am a ghost-shade of a soul Untouchable, unseen to all Whispering softly to myself Hating things I can’t recall There’s a few I’m close to That answer when I speak When one is gone I’m alone Truly – in this I’m unique I shy into the empty corner Afraid to raise my voice I’ll say something wrong Then rue my foolish choice My jokes aren’t understood My words flow over heads Replies of frowning looks My heart in mangled shreds I smile once and fall silent Say nothing further all day Tomorrow I want to stay home They all forgot my birthday It was two months from now I told them all days before I turned my sweet sixteen Smiles touch me no more They all drew me pretty cards On notebook paper in class None wave to me in the halls No one even looks up as I pass Daddy gave me twelve roses I didn’t get any other flowers Guys only make fun of me I dream of escape for hours Those words I pen and type Story, rhyme, role-play, verse Are each a way to hide, in truth Trapped by this solemn curse My eyes are sapphire-blue My figure slender and petite I don’t like to wear make-up I’m not your average offbeat Yet all the same I can’t say That I’m worse off than you Everyone tells me often enough I guess my thanks are overdue I’m thankful that I’m alone now There’s no one here to yell No one here to see through me When I say that I’m feeling well I’m thankful no one tries to hurt The fragile heart deep inside That no one hears my words That no one saw I almost cried I pour my heart into the lines That none may ever read Wishing that I could fight free This end making stronger my needYet another reflection in verse, sorting out my thoughts and crying my tears as words. Found myself in a mood where I felt particularly sorry for myself, and had to get it out of my system. Critque if you'd like, but I didn't really try to make this a work of art.. it was more like a journal entry than anything else, really, but it is poetry and I decided I might as well throw it out here. Written December 6th, 2001 © on Dec 06 2001 12:56 PM PST   0 • 1