Attack of the Moody Dorito Chick (A PMS Moment) (**MAY CONTAIN SOME MATURE LANGUAGE!!!**)

Every month I crave a big, cheesy bag Of Doritos, as I'm visited by my rag, I sniff out cupboards, for I'm in such need I'm fonging desperate as I painfully bleed I'm a raving lunatic, a walking ravenous werewolf. I look like a freak, and the fonging neighbors all scoff. I eat whole super sized bags of corn chips, With Nachos going straight to my butt and my hips From second to second I'll quickly change my mood, And should you get in my furry path, boy are you screwed. During these times, I live only to complain, For PMS brings so much fonging pain. Chili Cheese Fritos become my very best friend, During this fattening PMS trend. I dwell on gaining even more weight, 'Cuz PMS is a fonging depressing state. I can't sleep at night, I'm too wired up My bras don't fit, falling out of my cups Cramps galore, I cry all day and evening My sweety is nice or soon he'll be leaving Hormones are out of whack, whiskers to pluck from the face of Me, Oh man, more than ever how I need a good lay you see. I pig out on chocolates like there's no tomorrow And drink a keg of beer to drown all my sorrows Alas, you fiend, I would move the heck out of my way, Else for your stupidity you will definitely pay. I will scratch out your eyes and have sex with your skull, And stab you to death with a spork ever so dull. My PMS rage will fall upon your stupid happy day, And with your fonging joy absent, I'll have MY way. I'll make you my slave, cowering to my every whim, Making your once happy day ever so grim. One day I am loving and sweet, next I am a horrible mean beast If I don't get to devour my cheesy Doritos, there will be no peace A feast fit for a Queen, I rule this hairy Kingdom of hormones I treat my lowly peasants fair, unless they steal my ice cream cones! Don't forget the gum drops and all the candy corn, Sugar packets, dreamcicles, and plenty of porn, 'Cuz I'm gonna need it all if I'm to make me better, So screw the romance and all the stupid love letters. I'm not a fonging mechanical lovby robot Take your dingdong and shove it in my romance slot Let's do the wild thing and cha-cha 'til dawn And take a dip into a bathtub full of grape flan Don't touch me you heartless insensitive prick, Get off of me, I'm not giving it a lick. No I don't want to have sex with you now, 'Cuz I'm PMSing, and I feel like a cow. I'm loaded with Estrogen, an atomic bomb ready to blast When I get done with you toots, your weiner will be in a cast Hot and horny, all these hormones are circulating inside of me I'll gladly put out for ya Handsome, but first I must pee Darn, but I'm sleepy, think I'll have me a nap, Before i go postal on ya and fonging snap I'm fed up with you, just leave me alone. Take your romantic garb and go the hell home. Nookie, nookie, I do enjoy ever so much, Around the house, on the couch, floor, and such. Alas, when I'm done, 'tis time for my craving to feed, And super sized bags of Doritos become my essential need. All that cheese on my fingers, just cheese galore, Holy crap, I'm out. Gotta go get more. I want them. I need them. It's a Dorito affair, Just do yourself a fave, don't ask me to share. At that time of the month, I must have my chips Nothing else can satisfy these burning lips Crunchy and crispy, so full of MSG and spice No wonder I'm nasty, chemicals make me not nice! It's an addiction, one I cannot ignore, I'm pretty sure that's what God made me for. I'm to eat Doritos until the day I die, Then off to Dorito heaven up in the sky. (c) 3/19/02 SmS and SDD (c) Graphics most generously provided by SDD - you steal them without permission, you suffer the consequences, the wrath of Sheer Poetry!   *Disclaimer: Doritos is a copyrighted trademark of Frito Lay Corp., and all graphics in no way, shape, or form resembles the real Doritos brand nacho corn chips...any similiarity is purely imaginative/hallucinatory, and/or coincidental.*NOTE: If you're not comfortable discussing normal, natural, silly womanly things such as menstrual periods, PMS (which is neither normal or natural but part of women's lives, sadly), sex, or other female or HUMAN problems...please leave now!!! You have been warned! ~~~ OK, here it is...This was a joint effort between me and Sheer Poetry! Anyone who knows me also knows I'm a Doritos addict...crave them, Super sized bags of Extra Nacho, espec. during my visits from "Auntie Flo"...lol  And you all know what that means? Nani always tells me to share my Doritos....Muuaaaaaaahhhhhhhahahahahaa!!! NEVER!!! She'll never take me alive, or my bag of corn chips! Hey, it's the cheese!!  And all that MSG to make me loonier. hehe I'm sure most of you ladies can identify with PMS or periods at least once in your lives...hopefully! Misery loves company. Written March 19th, 2002 © on Mar 19 2002 12:35 AM PST, Sheryl Marcia Schwartz   14 • 7 • 3