Yenta-Klutz (OY, OY, OY!!)

At Christmastime all good goyim tots, unlike me Await new toys from a jocular putz called Santa Klaus, As joyous Jews get challah, chocolate gelt, and gifts for free From a chubby dude who goes by the name of Hymie Yenta-Klutz Dressed in a fur hat and big cherry-red union suit, Almost akin to fat ‘ol Santa, only not quite as fair or cute But forget about those jolly holiday ho-ho-ho’s, Hymie rouses to a medley of “Oy, Oy, Oy Vey!!” woes Holly and mistletoe never grow In a land where desert sands blow But don’t fret, ‘cause there is hope, Maybe you can kiss under cannabis dope! One too many drinks and Hymie's out, Klutz's dear missus has to yell and shout For her weary old man to get on the ball, He has the grandest belly she ever saw She screamed at him for not scrubbing the dishes, And scolded their cat after it clawed the goldfishes Now she’s angry and isn’t speaking to hubby, what a Grinch, But her coldness won’t last, she’s there for him in a pinch While she thinks up daring ways to play party games, Klutz enjoys winking at the festive gray-haired dames On the day before Hanukah is when he’ll merrily start arriving, And it ain’t no toboggan he was arrested for careless driving! No, not some expensive horse-drawn, jingle-bell sleigh, Nor does he live at the North Pole and own eight reindeer Hymie hates his dream career; and deli jobs just don’t pay, So he remains captain of that winged team every year Resides in Israel on a kibutz, in a puptent house, Everyone there is certain he's nuts but Ida, his spouse Mrs. Yenta-Klutz says her soulmate's a real sweetheart, If only he could stop farting and eating poptarts Instead of Saint Nick's infamous bobsled, Clever Hymie uses his bearded yarmulka head; Riding quaintly atop six magical mammals, Okay, so they’re painted dromedary camels Like a weird scene out of the “Arabian Nights”, The maverick crew flies faster than the speed of light Traveling from house to house in a blinding flash, “Watch out for that phone line!!”; OOH, he’s crashed! Hymie's wise hunches always remind him, “Don’t climb down the flues of the fireplaces!” Well, rather than break his overaged brittle limbs, He hires a bunch of agile elves to fall upon their faces Before you know it, a new Hanukah eve will be here, Remember to leave Yenta-Klutz a few bagels and beer And if you’ve all been nice little Jewish boys or girlies, You may even be allowed to pet his prized camel, Curly “On Curly Joe, on Moshe, on Larry, too”, Those poor animals belong in a Minske petting zoo! "On Blintze, on Matzoh Ball, on Yentile", Bring the kosher spirit to every gentile!! (c) 12/01 SmSHere's a little Jewish humour. Written February 8th, 2002 © on Feb 08 2002 02:02 PM PST, Sheryl Marcia Schwartz   14 • 7 • 4