Crimson Lips and Baby Blue Eyeshadow

daddy left mama when I was 2 I never knew him. and I guess mama started using drugs to ease the pain but her using never eased my pain when I was 6 one of mama's boyfriends liked to dress me up with crimson lips and baby blue eyeshadow and he loved me so much it hurt but mama didn't want to hear it he made threats and was never nice to mama either I was scared wouldn't talk to anybody and at school, I was so quiet all the kids thought I was dumb. they never talked to me only about me I guess by the time I was 14 it was pretty obvious I didn't have the life of your average tv family teachers, school counselors- they all tried to talk to me and they tried talking to mama too but mama didn't want to hear it I was smoking a pack a day, boozing, and shooting up by the time I was 15 I had to just to forget who I was long enough mama's boyfriend was still loving me only I was angry I was pissed I ran away Now, living on the streets is no kind of life, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone but sometimes, sometimes there's no other choice. I doubt mama ever looked for me. At 16 I was turning tricks It's not like I WANTED to do it, but it's all I knew. And I had a drug habit to support you can't make enough flipping burgers at McDonald's for the amount of chemicals I needed to forget who I was long enough So I found myself walking the streets I had a pimp -typical- he beat me, took most of the money, fucked me in every sense of the word the john's weren't much different and I still had crimson lips and baby blue eyeshadow So here I am another statistic. I didn't grow up wanting to be a junkie and I never wanted to be a whore but sometimes, sometimes there's no other choice. So yeah, I'm a fucking statistic. Heroin addict. molested child turned prostitute. and I have aids. I don't know if it was the needles or the dick. What I do know, is that I'm dying and inside there's a little girl crying. Written July 1st, 2000 © on May 30 2001 02:11 PM PST   0 • 10