My Fears Abound

Once I believed in love. I believed in trust. I believed in promises. I believed in marriage. I believed in my wife. I believed in forever. I believed in all these things with no reasons to believe. After my loss of love, fears abound. Can I and should I ever believe in anyone or anything again? I now fear love. I now fear trust. I now fear promising my heart to someone. I fear exposing my heart to more potential heartbreak. I fear committing my all to a relationship of love. I now fear marriage, and I question the worthiness of wedding vows, the idea of a wife, and of forever. Will I ever love again? Am I still able? How long would forever last this time? How can I believe again? How can I trust again? How could I trustingly give my heart to anyone again, and who would want it, anyway? It's damaged goods, as of yet not in my possession, still in "Cupid's" workshop, undergoing extensive repairs. When returned will it be capable of loving again, and if so, to what degree? Should I risk the pain that could come with the involvement of another relationship? So many question, so few answers. The fear of making another wrong decision, another painful mistake, another commitment to trust, to love, and to believe in forever. So slow am I to risk exposure to the pain I have grown to fear so. Is this the way it is to be from this day forward, or can I overcome my fear in time? Only time will tell. Written October 12th, 1996 © on Oct 12 2001 07:38 AM PST   0 • 1