where do we go from here (a letter)

I am feeling very badly for the way I hurt you, and made you cry.  I feel sadness, emptiness and loneliness in my heart at the thought of losing you because I love you. There is a numbness and a ringing in my head, a shortness of my breath, and it feels like I am sitting still while the whole world is spinning round and round till I am dizzy. My heart is beating for you, but there is no one here to hear it's sound. A tear drop is in my heart but it can not find it's way to my eye, so I choke on it. And you came into my life, sent from heaven above, the angel that you are, so much good in you that makes me love you the way I do, but the little things I made so big in my mind and with them pushed you away. So one minute you were here, but in an instant you could be gone, lost forever. How to find you again, and hold you again and love you again, oh, for the answer, what I would give.  How to make everything right, if only I could know the answer to this mystery.  If only…..  If only….. Can I find you again, can you help me?  You are right, the things you say about me.  I know that I am not perfect, all too well this I know, and what a hard process this is, this melding together of two into one.  Can I find the old me  that once was with your help, and do you even want to? I don't want to loose you, I love you, so where do we go from here? Written June 12th, 2000 © on Nov 14 2001 02:36 AM PST   0 • 8