Dear Reader*ADULT CONTENT*

Dear Reader, I have a question that drives me insane. Have you ever had a question or thought has absolutly drove you out of your mind? I want to know what depression is. Is it a chemical imbalance between nerve cells? It's got to be more to it than that. It's your surroundings. The life you live. Regardless of how you say you are or how "you dont care what people think". You will, someday, find yourself slipping away from everything. The things that once never bothered you are not consuming you. Have you ever felt a cloud of darkness around you? A cloud in your mind just bursting to let the rain fall inside of your head? The tears you hold in so that you have one ounce of pride in your day. The ignorance of all the people you have grown to hate. The same people who were once piece of glass that your were not capable of breaking. A lie that they hid behind. Finally you see who they are and you see labels on all of them. "whore" "bitch" "idiot" "slut". Don't you hate when someone points the finger at you for something that they are so nieve about? The ignorance that consumes them and the pleasure that they get from your pain. The emptiness that builds up until there is nothing left. NOTHING! is what consumes all that you have ever wanted. For once OPEN YOUR EYES! See the truth for one day! Be me! Step into my shoes and live my life! WHAT LIFE?! I go home and listen to a nagging, brain damaged mother who doesnt see through this mask. A father who doesnt care if you cry or if he hurts you. All he has ever done is lie and lived his life making a broken home. Him and I...two seperate individuals who have lived two seperate lives. Maybe the whole point of this letter is to show myself and you (the reader) how selfish I really am. If I thought about one person other than myself for once I wouldnt be so depressed and angry. I swear to you. I'm waiting. Right outside the gates of my mind. What once was a vast city of thought is now nothing more than rubble inside of my head. Anger is a powerful thing. Dont abuse it. Those who dont know what hate and fear are. Those people are the same ones who dont know what real love is. Those people are the the same ones who wonder why people like me dont just kill them. They call me psycho because I write. They call me crazy because i'm lost in thought. But I'm better than those people. I dont lie behind other people's back. For once in their pitiful disgusting lives could they act like humans instead of demons sent here to destroy lives. They are the reason you will wake up every morning with hate and anger. When you cant sleep at night and you wonder why you are so lost. But you scream words of pain. They'll never change and neither will you. Their lives are just too perfect to understand your painful life. Their lives are too good to know the pain they cause. Is there ever a time when they see what they have done? They live in a fucking illusion where nothing is true. How could they live in such a lie for so long? Is this how to world is bound to be? They live in lies so that depression, insomnia, pain and the thought of suicide doesnt penetrate their perfect little minds. I guess we'll never know. XXX Written March 10th, 2002 © on Mar 10 2002 06:48 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1