Adjustments

It reminds me of when I suddenly had a job five minutes from home Instead of 50 minutes away. It’s similar to when all three of my children toilet trained within a month, And it felt like I grew an extra arm - much more got accomplished. It's a paradigm shift. I need less sleep. I have more energy. I can think clearly. I can make decisions. I can concentrate. It's exhilarating to know that I was ill, Not just lazy or stupid. But it is terrifying to finally see this expanse of time That healthy people take for granted: What do they do with it? So many responsibilities - put off ‘til later - That time is now. They crowd around me like a pack of reporters At a dramatic rescue, and it's overwhelming. Crushing me from all sides, like reporters yelling And shoving their microphones in my face, "What are you going to do now?" they ask me all at once. I bite back my fear and make a statement to this internal press corps: I will tackle the priorities slowly, I tell them, Because Rome wasn’t built in a day And I will be as gentle on myself as I possibly can. This is uncharted territory. I will try to find myself there. No, maybe it is more like winning the lottery And being besieged by old creditors. They had given up calling to say, "Why haven’t you taken care of this?" They had stopped sending me nasty letters. Now they all seem to know that I have new resources. This is way past due, they each call to tell me. My emotional phone won’t stop ringing. I’d like to rip it out of the wall. Written December 29th, 2001 © on Dec 29 2001 09:25 AM PST   18 • 0 • 10