The Way I Look

What it's like to be me No one knows The urge to cry My lonliness grows I hate looking the way I do I want to fucking scream Being 'big' makes you weird People disclude you from any team I feel like I don't belong And I'm unattractive to everyone Being fat makes you ugly It's impossible to go out and have fun I can't get a job Or even go shopping without people staring Without people laughing I've lived my life In this form that's pure hell I've tried everything to lose it Yet I continue to swell I sometimes just wanna die Rather than live like this Who could love this hideous thing? What exactly would I miss? My family and few friends Are all that keep me here I refuse to let them suffer So I hide my sorrow with cheer I know I'm a great person Deep in my soul My heart is beautiful Almost pure gold But all people see is the outside of me The mass of physical that they see Why the fuck is that so important? They can't look past nor except that it's me Tears filling my brown eyes As they usually tend to do I can barely eat anymore And feel guilty when I manage to People look at me when I eat And I could be eating a cracker But because I'm fucking fat Some chick calls me a cow and I wanna fucking smack her If a miracle arrives in my favor one day And I manage to marry and have babies I pray they don't get these genes of mine Hopefully it'll save them heartache.. maybe People don't know how hard I try To look they way they do To be thin and fit and sexy I don't think I'll ever manage to They don't know how much it hurts To have everyone pass you by Because you're not 'pretty'and skinny enough They don't even stop to say "Hi" Oh well, whatever I'm gonna shut up now I'll crawl back into my hole And remain looking like this ugly cow............ I'd rather not talk about it.... The poem was pretty much self-explainitory (or however you spell it) Written December 10th, 2001 © on Dec 10 2001 07:26 AM PST, Teresa   18 • 0 • 1