Am I supposed to feel?

Am I supposed to feel his lips on mine? Am I supposed to feel the look in my eyes? What am I feeling? Lost, no control I can't help how I feel I don't know how I feel Someone, anyone tell what I'm feeling Am I feeling at all? Can't let go How do I hold on? I don't know what I'm feeling if I'm feeling it at all Empty heart Full stomach Trapped in my brain I don't know what to think I don't know how to feel anything for anyone anymore I'm too tired too much overwhelmed by not understanding I said I will not judge before I know now I know Am i judging? should I be judging? There are no feelings shared plans and helplessness night after night of sadness and moping around listen to bright music bright yellow and red music to make the emotions dissappear can't listen forever can't dance forever in the sunlight my dark cloudy room welcomes me now it's cold clammy hands come rushing out the door coming to retrieve me to my rightful place in a pithole of depression choke me already I'm done with it over with; I give it all up for what? no reasons for anything I'm feeling I just want out I want fly out in the clouds I want to paint my own world I want to make it red and yellow I want to live in happiness not with the cold clammy hands I wear pink sheets on my bed to remind me of happiness reminds me that I may have a chance to remember what it was like to know people well and feel for someone 'special' but I don't have any of that anymore and I don't know why so some could you please tell me Am I supposed to feel? Written February 21st, 2002 © on Feb 21 2002 11:42 AM PST   18 • 0 • 10