Lost in life

It's old but it's new and I'm dying to know are they pretending and do they think at all obviously they care or they wouldnt have written it but honestly? the story keeps changing and there's nothing i want to believe how long have they thought about this? how long has it been since we last got together or hung around why would we? they're only huge assholes but they're people who we used to actually care about or at least I did broken friendships lost trusts the wall is still there it will never be broken down the secret should have been kept it was better left unsaid or was it? So much confusion and nobody to see how lost I really am I dont have any true friends actually thats a lie I have 3 of them 3 people i would give up my world for I don't know if they know who they are but I hope they know what I would do for them in any situation Too much emotion just took over me I know I don't have enough inside myself to believe that they were once my true friends because I've come to realize they weren't and will probably never be I'm broken I'm shaken I'm tattered and tossed and I have nowhere to be but here in my solitary state of mind I never said it was a good one but I'm here and I don't know how to go back go back to real friendship all though i've never had it with anyone except with these 3 girls 3 girls who I've known my whole life and my 'friends' can't accept that we are not the same and i fucking hate it i fucking hate so many people for so many different reasons so many old close people for so many new close reasons I hate the world as I hate my state of mind and my aura as it is right now all I wanted was to have friends i could trust friends who i fit in with friends who....don't really care about me that's not what anybody fucking wants! why is this happening!?!?! why am I the only person who feels this way about these people and why don't they realize they are so very wrong about multiple things WHY?! I thought things would turn out good turn out better than what they are and what things look like right now If I can't trust them then why bother asking them to explain why they are the way they are?! If they're so punk why aren't they accepting of me and my friends just because I believe in different things now doesn't mean I'm a different person I'm real. I have feelings and they're toying with them and I can't handle being toyed with right now I am a fucking fragile person I'm not strong I'm not fake on the inside my heart was built of porciline it's chipping no it's shattering Nobody understands no matter how hard I try and get all my feelings out they're still partially digested I just want to be able to get rid of this annoying frustration I wish these people were different I wish they knew that I'm not who they think I am I wish they knew that I'm real not a joke and I want real friends just like they do. But to face reality is not in them even the best of them don't see anything clearly anymore they never did I want to know why I can't live with a fake inside for one day just to see what it's like not to hurt continuously on the inside I want them to know that I can't see past this and I think our friendship might be over. Written February 17th, 2002 © on Feb 17 2002 09:08 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1