This Way

Earliest memory, anger, rage In my bedroom, under blankets Their safety soon became my cage Down the hall, two people scream They battle for it all, tear each other apart Too young to understand, what those nights Would do to my heart Older I have gotten, the screams The horrible nightmarish dreams I have not forgotten Tears at night I cry, I can't deny What there is locked inside, that I hide Every night, every day, a different fight I cannot stop it, her, me The both of them, I try to break it up In the middle I swim Liar, whore, these lies she calls me Is this my destiny, to be scared To leave, scared to love, though I love someone So deeply.. Has she made, this way? She used to say, hear how my angel sings? She used to let me fly away Then clipped my wings So I would stay She made me this way All this hurt, all this pain Will it every fade Will it always be through Hurt, lies I wade? Will it always be this way? She takes pleasure from my pain Does anyone know? How insane it can be? When no one can see my private hell? I don't think they know, don't think they can tell I secretly cower, in the shadows of my soul At least I can act, my hurtful life covered in tact Will I always have to hide? Will it always be, this way? I love a man, all laws say I cannot see, but what law can judge How strong love can be? He has seen my fears, known my problems Though I don't think he knows The tears I cry, as I told him of All the pain I had locked inside He has saved me, I wonder if he knows? His love has helped so much, he has Made me this way It is now when I think of a new life Growing old, being his wife I have hope of a future Without her in it, Though breath,blood she gave to me She will never be more than that part She can no longer get in my heart Tear me apart, make me that way I've gotten stronger My love for him, will only grow As the years get longer He has helped me be this wayThis started out as a poem about someone who has hurt me deeply through life. But as I continued to write it, I realized there was someone who helped me greatly, through love, promises, safety to see that there is hope. It's dedicated to him, I hope he reads it. I hope he knows exactly how much he means to me, and has helped me over come the hurt the other person caused me. That is why, this poem is about hope, though sad it may be. Written January 15th, 2002 © on Jan 15 2002 02:18 PM PST, Sharon   18 • 0 • 12