Struggling

You told me today you didn’t know what was going on with me.If you want to know what I am struggling with it is you.You know I still have feelings for you.You know in your heart you aren’t interested.You actions project that you care for me, which is confusing.I know you don’t want me.That doesn’t make it any easier.I still struggle.I still feel pain.If you want to know what I am struggling with, it is you.I still wonder what I could have done to make things different.I know something changed between us.You saw it, I missed it.I guess that is how it has all gone, we don’t feel the same things. Compatibility in everything else doesn’t matter if there is no feeling.If you want to know what I am struggling with, it is you.To have you in my life.To love you as a friend, and not want more.To care for you as a friend, and not be jealous.To look at other men, and realize what I want is all in you.Growing older with you, maturing with you.I try as hard as I can to pull my heart away from you.I do well at times, but it is hard.If you want to know what I am struggling with, it is you.You told me that you feel we are too close.I don’t think that is a good reason to not date.You told me that nothing did happen.I don’t think you gave it enough time.You say we are not meant to be.But I feel like you are mistaken, and that you will change your mind.I hear what you say, and don’t want to believe the words.If you want to know what I am struggling with, it is me.Any comments are appreciated, I am just starting out. Written July 24th, 2001 © on Jul 23 2001 06:48 PM PST   0 • 8