suicide of my heart; letting go

i am simply a romantic conversationalist; love: spontaneously and magically appearing before me, I see words spoken softly in ears embraced by enchantment encompassing yet justified; secretly meant just for me living each elaborate moment in time as if the clock of my life had stopped before us spiritually engulfing me within it's loving arms truthfully, meaningful, eloquently just clouded thoughts confuse us; unsure emotional roller coaster ride- adrenaline rush twisting, turning, upside down, i realize these feelings have devoured me, more than a crush pushing away; running from the truth frightened by this alternate dimension extraordinary authentication of feelings unknown not understanding this elusive emotion how do you talk yourself into letting it all go when you know that you will fall to your death my safety net; an absolute resurrection i jump from this bridge, mentally, physically, knowing the rest will i catch myself before my bleeding heart falls shattering; a plate glass window, i see reflections of life watching each pulsating heartbeat; increasingly numb shards of emotion cut; shredding each moment like a knife before rebuilding the walls; bridged by unbearable compromise i release the knowledge that again i will plumate to my demise falling for someone who holds my heart in his hands consciously; restarting this suicide of my heart; again no surprisei have no idea where this came from, ummm i think it came from the realization that a heartache/ heartbeak hurts but your life can't stop, you have to go on, only to know that it is going to happen again, someday... and you will fall again, you will go through it again... it's not like you weren't warned, you weren't told, but you have to learn lessons on your own. always listening to others yet knowing you have to be true to yourself... you know it will happen, and you know you will jump off the walls around your heart one more time, to find yourself crawling back up to the top of the wall, over and over. Does this make any sence to anyone else but me?? insight please?? Written April 1st, 2002 © on Apr 01 2002 11:54 AM PST    18 • 0 • 8