Again

I’ve realized I’m back here again even though I never left Just closed the blinds and didn't go near the window I’m back here once again with the black sun Blaming everyone Finding I hate myself So here I am, again Confused and frustrated because I won’t let drugs make me or my life Surrounded by people, loving a number I can only count on one hand, but still Being alone So here I am, again Cursing the world for abusing me Crawling back inside my grave where I lye awake and die with the worms all because I didn’t take my medication which Calms the rage of acid from eating away my insides making me a zombie I just don’t think it’s fair for everyone to hate me Even though I could give a damn about them So here I am, again Worrying my best friends that I might do something stupid cuz The away message on my computer has a deeper meaning Just because this is who I am and I can’t control my actions I know I’m not worth anything at least that's what my teachers say, That I’ll never make it out of here but If only they knew how harsh their petty words are and how The little things build up in my head, maybe they would stop So here I am, again Meaning nothing but having everything swelling up inside You don’t know about the screaming in my head or this ringing in my ears or How much every breath I take hurts My happiest moments are still sad and There's nothing I can do but listen to you tell me about what I’ll never do Just because I’m choosing to be me Written November 13th, 2001 © on Nov 15 2001 10:23 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1