Being Fat!

When I was 11 years old I had a problem with weight I was only 4'8 and 160lbs. Then as I got older I gained weight because I never went to activities. I started pasting my face on other peoples bodies online, Trying to find my self no longer falling behind time at 14 I was 200lbs and depression got to me I thought about killing my self, I thought about doing the unthinkable. about two months later I was 230, And felt even worse then before. I found a diet, and stuck with it, and got down to 134lbs. Suddenly things changed and got to me. I was finally able to send a real picture online smiling and saying it was really me. There was no rude comments like before. I felt happy about my self unlike before. I love my self now, And think im beautiful at one point in time, I thought of eating as good thing, something to take away my pain never thinking it only caused me more I actually had more guys ask to call me, Begging for them to fuck me. And its strange, I don't look at people the same before now, I couldn't even had friends, I had reached all the way up to 300 pounds. now 121lbs, and I'm more then happy. I always used to lie about my weight, I only found one person I was in love with and he lived a distance from me, I thought maybe he truly did love me, it was years ago, and he had no way to know he was talking to some fat girl, some girl that everyone hated, I sent the fake picture, and gave him a fake age when I told him the truth Boy did he rage. he hated me, but came back, and said he was sorry. I fooled with him, I played games with him but now that I'm all thin, I wish I still knew him. I wish I could of taken back all those lies, And I wish there was never a real good bye. We dragged our friend ship on and on, He must have had insecurities of his own. Maybe he really liked me for who I am. maybe he's actually the only person that gave a damn. I'm not sure, we talk on and off, now, Still we play those old games its funny how he acts like I'm the one to blame. We actually hate each other, And I can't stand him But its like, now he wants back in. But it was only to use me. make his girlfriend jealous. do something unkind, and rude. How selfish. This is me, and I am thin, And all I have to say is your in the wind. Written December 15th, 2001 © on Dec 15 2001 12:17 PM PST, Shelly   0 • 10