Death Wish (18+)

I woke up with the breath of death. My eyes tear up, I knew it was the only thing left to do. Someone keeps putting these imagines in my mind of mens hands touching mine. I want him away from me I was only three. I have memories of things I see every time I dream they play a seen and last forever in a tragic dream. I am scared to go to sleep or even think of a family member I have sexual thoughts about everyone I know men females, It doesn't matter. I can't control who I want to be. This is scaring me. I must have problems now I've been thinking about fucking older men But I know it would be a sin I keep telling my self not to be this way but I can't see another day. Please help me find my way. If I can't ill have to leave I'm only 17. My eyes are always crying inside I have so much to hide, and If I ever told my family they wouldn't understand. I can't help the way I feel Its as if I was touched a lot while growing up but they are faded memories that never pop up. I wish I knew what was wrong with me there must be a reason why I keep thinking of sex, I never think about men my age I never think about making love, I think about the hardcore, and think about sucking things I've never seen before. I hate the way I am and everything I will be. I wish some terrible mistake would happen to me. maybe get hit by a car or drown in the muddy water. I wish I had never been born. I won't know how to explain if I do something in shame. If I leave tonight they are going to think its because of them I can't run away from this pain It will just come back to me someday. I can't stab the pain through the heart because I can't find the core Please someone help me, because I'm lieng on the floor. Written December 26th, 2001 © on Dec 25 2001 11:57 PM PST, Shelly   0 • 1 • 16