Im Fucked

Here I stand Looking over my body, asking my self if this was the right thing to do. I treated my self and soul so cruelly its true. I hated the way I used to act, the way I treated you, and the way I looked and feel to. I read books, with my spare time, I had all men under a tight line. Everyone loved me, but I could never love my self. I would look in the mirror and hear a voice in my mind, saying hell was near and I lived my life in fear. Look at me now, Boy am I fucked, I killed my self again today but so what? I will still have to look at life newly, wondering if someone will look at my body and assume that I killed my self. Looking at the slits to my wrists, I would think the same It's Not my fault, that sometimes I can be so dumb. I will blame this on my twin, I have committed a sin, Heaven wont want me now my death has stained me some how it says so in the bible. look at me now, all blue and stale, Looky here I'm going to hell but that means nothing to me. Life is worse then ever, while I'm confused and cussing you. MY fucking twin did this again, it looks like ill have to find a new body all over again, Ill look in the mirror and see my self and do the same thing over and over again, Sometimes I cannot bare the pain, And I will always have to have someone to blame. I will curse my own name, and hang my self tonight from the moon and say I will strangle if someone doesn't come for me soon. somethings do not matter, and this does not. another body floating in the wind another empty thought, another human acting natural, and committed a crime, to exit the pain. Everything is meaningless. walking on earth alone, I beg god for another try, he strikes me with lightening and lets me fly and I am alive again, I promise I will be better this time. Ill start looking at my self, differently and hope that this body will mean something to me. and hopefully this time I wont see my reflection and fuck up. Im tried of being all bottled up. And then I wake up.This poem is only words: this has nothing to do with my view on my own life I happened to have several friends that feel this way, and this is why i wrote this poem. Thanks. Written November 19th, 2001 © on Nov 18 2001 03:32 PM PST, Shelly   0 • 16