Mirror Of Sin

Tonight I tremble when I look in the mirror. I see my self so clearly, in fear. I am beautiful. But in my eyes I see another someone much stronger then me, Someone that refuses to be me. I wonder if I have lost my mind, I cannot carry my self for long. I keep thinking of my self, as special. for seeing these awful things through my eyes for way to long. I keep hiding behind the river, of my blood to hide my shame. I keep hearing my own name echoing through my ears. I feel the teardrops from my eyes, falling on my face like I have discarded my self. I have so much pain, I cannot bare this one more day. I will look in my mirror and slowly turn away. And hope I do not see my heart from the corner of my eye, or see a ghost pass me by. I am tired of living my life, in worry of what I might see. Some are gifted with sight but not me. I touch my hand to the mirror that keeps cutting me, ruling my life, and leaving me empty. I hate the mirror, but it follows me everywhere. It shows me the past in which I fear. It shows the life I do not see, It shows the heart that's barred deep inside of me. And I hope that no one else can see what kind of person I truly am. Although I keep telling my self not to give a damn, I cannot help my self, To think, of what others believe. Even if they do not even know me. I must keep telling my self to stay steal so I can heal from what I call my past, a drowsy eye, Of love, And hate, that will never be filled again. And everything passes me by, I give up, and I will not try ever again to look at my self or my sin. Written November 11th, 2001 © on Nov 11 2001 12:17 PM PST, Shelly   0 • 1