a painful rejection but relieving tension....

this may be retarded but the feeling draws me to the unexpected no one can relate to the emotions ive delt with its not fair that some force can allow such agony and pain its like im being showered with sorrow but in the form of rain its insane how can i let go when the one thing that keeps me going is gone i look to a few friends they only act as if they cared but once im gone its just another story to tell why dont we all just take a trip to hell i wouldnt mind right now but i dont make the decisions but i can make actions turn into reality how so u ask? its like cutting the very fine thin line of thread that keeps u alive just one snip and its all over gone.............. take it all away no one can understand that i just want my life to end how can i explain this its not as easy as it may seem its just a cut a wound a bruse it will go away but the pain inside never will end take me away its just a slice of the pie its just a sore it will go away but the memories will haunt u in the back take me away end my sorrow, end my pain, end my misery, end my life, end it now but the question is only left and there is an answer how is it done my blade is serenating to my heart this blade sings to my soul like its the key a key to take away my pain the cold steel ignites my heart with a boom then sends me afloat drifting away in red waters it then dissapears in the distance unseen and unheard of again what a dream it felt so real it even made me spit blood but theres no bruise its like a wound to the inside but why would this happen my mind can only think for a few seconds more the thought of one thing cant be seen in my vision of heaven again its now one big blur it suddenly passes away as a dark place with voices suddenly u hear robotic sounds flying by the sounds echos around the room u suddenly can hear next its the nerves u get cold u start shivering as ur nerves pinch one by one u bleed as ur nerves pop one by one how can this be all this mush come from the inside i dont understand but at some point in time i feel like this everyday now im drifting again in an everlasting slumber hibernation takes everything a sleep so soundly that it makes me proud that my heart is still pumping did i survive that is a question of mystery only GOD will ever know am i still here? who cares if i am anyway life as i know it means absolutely nothing but a worthless waist of time to fullfill something something that never had a chance to full fill anything or even have a little fun with it thats what my life is like but its all just a dream to me now or is it really am i dead already just haunting the ones who hurt me or am i just planning a big event in tha near future... will just have to wait and see... Written April 11th, 2002 © on Apr 10 2002 08:19 PM PST   18 • 0 • 1