Ten Years Spent

She woke up before the milkman, Conditioned till her body ached begging her to stop. Danced through her routines, Till her legs like Jell-O flopped. Giving attention to every detail, Her coaches always wanting more. Perfection once wasn’t good enough. Four hours a day five days a week, She drug herself to the gym preparing to compete. Hoping one day to be in Greece summer 2004, Her talents blossomed like a flower, She let her hopes higher soar. She had quit once before, Given up on all her dreams. When offered a second chance, She couldn’t refuse it was too tempting. A simple switch of gyms, Nearly three years in-between, It all gave her the time she needed, To let her mind heal properly. All the years of mental abuse, The tears shed outside and in, ‘If you’re gonna cry go to the locker room, That baby bullshit doesn’t belong out here!’ Only time could heal the pain, And ease her sinking fears. She’s matured greatly so, In those three short years. From 1998 through 2000, She worked so very hard, But soon her body began to betray her, She looked back and knew how far she’d come. She stood in the mirror looking at herself, Wider hips no good for beam, Breasts that weighed down her tumbling. Another two inches of height out of nowhere, Timing on skills all out of sync. She tried eating less…a week at times between meals, But she’d give into her hunger the pain too much to bear. Considered vomiting but to her it just didn’t appeal. Finally she gave in when November rolled around the bend, She’d had countless injuries that just didn’t seem to mend. Back in August she’d torn up her hands so bad, Blood permanently stained her grips. She’d lost feeling in her index fingers, And so many layers of skin. A brutal fight with her parents, Many sleepless nights. All her anger and frustration clouded up her sight. She didn’t know what it was she really wanted. Her love for the sport kept her going on, The fact that her grandpa loved to watch it, Kept her fire burning strong. He was fighting cancer kemo wore him down, His only reason for living life now was to see her win the gold. She sighed and walked through the doors one final time, Gazed all over left and right tears welling in her eyes. She sat down in the coaches office, Explaining why she wanted to go. She fought with all four of them, Which caused much pain and sorrow. The one coach, was a second mother, The only one who understood her. Each one a family member. Hugs around one final time, She waved good-bye to her friends, At that point she knew she’d made the right decision, In putting her pain to an end. She hasn’t walked through those doors ever since that day, She still sits and wonders what if…what if she had stayed? She misses everyone so much, Often sits and thinks about them. Wonders if they think of her too, Or if she’s been forgotten.I guess this one pretty much speaks for itself Written February 22nd, 2002 © on Feb 21 2002 03:24 PM PST, Allison Nolen   18 • 0 • 10