To A Publisher

My dear Sir, -         In the whole round         Of animated nature         I am acquainted         With nothing or nobody         Who is, generally speaking,         So gay, gaudy, and interesting         As yourself.         From my youth up         I have been taught to look upon a publisher         As a very great person indeed.         When I was young and courted him         He it was drew from me         (As morn from Memnon)         Rivers of melody;         The which, however,         He took good care         Not to glorify with his imprimatur.         In those days         I looked upon publishing as a trade         And poetry as a profession.         Recently I have become wise,         And I feel in the heart of me         That publishing is a profession         And poetry a trade.         In spite of all that has been said to the contrary,         Barabbas         Certainly was not a publisher.         I have not had time to look him up,         But I feel quite sure         That he was not a professional man.         Besides,         If he was a publisher,         Why did he not publish something?         Echo and the Publishers' Association         No doubt answer         "Why?"         I sometimes think I should like to be a publisher myself.         It must be rather nice         To know for a fact         How many copies         Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so         Really do sell,         And how many "A second large edition"         And "Tenth impression"         Really mean.         It must be rather nice, also,         To go off to Switzerland every year         (With your wife)         To attend the Publishers' Conference.         It must be rather nice, too,         To know of a surety         That when an author is making money         Some publisher or other         Is making just as much,         And not infrequently a trifle more,         On the same work.         We have learnt of late         Greatly to our disgust         That when a publisher dies rich         He has made his money out of Apollinaris.         This is hard on authors,         Who, between ourselves,         Are not by any means bad people,         And invariably take a kindly interest         In their publishers' welfare.         On the other hand,         You must admit, sir,         That a publisher seldom goes bankrupt,         And does not as a rule sleep         Under his own counter.         Once         I lent a publisher half a crown.         He paid it back.         The average author would have taken it         As money earned.         So that, on the whole,         I am inclined to like publishers,         And to set them down in my tablets         For         Useful persons.