To The Cambridge Crew

My dear Cambridge,         You have pulled it off,         As all men know.         This ode         Will make Oxford pretty sick;         But the spoils are to the victor.         If Oxford had rowed better         And won,         They should have had a nice new ode,         Like good boys;         But they have been and gone and lost,         And are, therefore,         Not fit subjects         For immortal verse.         Pah!         I pass by Oxford!         As for you, dear Cambridge,         Here's to you:         In spite of your long and honourable connection         With the manufacture         Of sossiges,         There appears to be something in you,         Which is more than can be said         For some of the sossiges.         Cambridge, my own,         You have won the bowt rice!         'Ave a drink!         What is the good of winning the bowt rice,         If you don't 'ave a drink?         I don't know,         And I'm sure you don't.         Also, what is the good         Of winning the bowt rice         At all?         I give it up.         Yes, I do really;         Please do let me give it up.         You have won;         You can afford to be generous;         Suffer me to indulge my little whim:         There is no good         In winning the bowt rice, Cambridge         No good at all.         On the other hand,         When I come to think of it         I am not quite sure         That to have rowed         In the Cambridge boat         Which won the bowt rice,         Is materially to have damaged         One's prospects or career:         At the very least, it makes one safe         For a tutor's job         At 80 per annum;         And what self-respecting person from Cambridge         Could wish for more?         I have heard of a man         Who rowed         In a winning Cambridge boat         And is now driving         A hansom cab.         And I have heard of another man         Who omitted to row         In a winning Cambridge boat         And is now driving a four-wheeler.         You see the difference, of course!         After all,         To row         In a winning Cambridge boat         Does give one         A sort of start in life,         And don't you forget it.         Always remember, my dear Cambridge, who you are.         You licked Oxford by five lengths         In 1902.         This is probably         All you will get         For your father's money.         Be thankful.