Him

It's been so long but my heart still stalls, my fingers still tremble, and my breath stops; every time he walks in that door. My eyes glaze over as the memories flash, and I stutter a breath; as I stop my eyes on his, and he inches closer. Think quickly, I scream to myself. Is everything in place? Have I done everything right? What should I say? Should I move? ...god save me... He speaks loud and clear, but I can't hear a word he says. I only see every detail in his face, and only hear his body language. Can only try to read his thoughts; hope to predict the future. Why am I on my feet? Why is he so close? Why do I feel his steamy breath, and warm spit spray against my chilled cheeks? Oh god, what did I just say? How will he interpet it? No, I didn't mean it that way. god help me, I swear I didn't.. Why is he yelling? What did he just do? oh god, he touched me why is it stinging? its swelling. god, he hit me. I said something again. did he hear me? god, will he hit me again... I swear I didn't mean to say it.. fuck, no don't let me cry now. The floor, I'm on the floor.please, let it end here? god, this is all my fault.call it a poem.. call it a rant.. i call it life. had to let it out sometime.. this is almost a 3rd part of Bleed, and Bleed Two.... Written November 11th, 2001 © on Nov 11 2001 02:35 PM PST   18 • 0 • 1