Tales (Out-Of-School) Of Two Sisters

AN EMBARRASSING PILL TO SWALLOW Mrs. C. was greatly stuffed With gas that moved about And caused her pain. She'd strain and strain But couldn't get it out. Her doctor said, "Take one of these Before you eat a meal. Your gas will be chased through, non-stop, And better you will feel." When Mrs. C. had company, They all went out to dine-- And, later in the car that night, Her gas got out-of-line. That pill sure worked--it worked TOO well! She thought that she would burst And prayed that they would stop somewhere Before she cut one first! Thank God! They'd stopped! She'd hurry out and get it over fast! It smelled worse than the city dump-- Loud as a foghorn's blast. Unknown to her, her niece's spouse Had hurried to her side To help dear Auntie from the car-- He now stood their wide-eyed! Her niece, still sitting in the car, Had now begun to laugh Hysterically at how the blast Had hit her better-half. So, you might hear explosions From the sewer in her town. The reason? Mrs. C. came home And flushed those pills right down!!! THE RESTLESS RIPPER Remember poor old Mrs. C. Whose gas bombs well could blister. I don't believe I've told you that She also has a sister. Her sister might haul me to court For full identity-- Therefore, throughout this poem, I'll Just call her Mrs. D. Now, Mrs. D. (a hyper sort) Is always on the go; Not much can keep her in her house-- Perhaps, a six-foot snow? One day, while she was knitting On a park bench in the mall, A gentleman sat down near-by-- So dignified and tall! Perhaps, he wanted to eat lunch With widowed Mrs. D.-- But, if those were his plans at first, It wasn't meant to be. For Mrs. D. ran out of yarn, But more was in her sack; She bent to reach it--then was heard A loud, obnoxious crack! The fellow's eyes got big and wide; He turned a little green; He made fast tracks away from her And hasn't since been seen! Now, Mrs. D.'s a restless sort Who has the urge to roam-- But I am sure this was a day She wished she'd stayed at home!Many times, truth is stranger than fiction, because these women (now both deceased) were real people, and this really did happen to them. They're my mother's first cousins (her mother's brother's daughters). Written November 20th, 2001 © on Nov 20 2001 04:38 AM PST, Ainsley Jo Phillips    0 • 14