As I Close My Eyes

As I close my eyes I start to realize that I have fallen in love with you. Emotions expressed throughout the quietness of my lips, I wish I could kiss you. I whisper that our love shall go on and never end I remind myself that there is no other person who can make me smile like you., and feel the way I do. I will always love you I concluded. No one can change that but you. I look back on how we met, I can’t forget, something that was so strong, how could it seem wrong. I can’t believe you’re gone; you should be here with me, holding me, loving me, and touching me so gently. I can feel you touch me at night. It brings tears to my eyes, I cry cause I feel alone. I’m worried. But then I think about our son. He’s here with me, and he’s holding it down. So now I don’t frown. But there is nothin like you, I will always stay true, I won’t lie nor ask why. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. You mean too much to me, we’re meant to be I was told by everyone. I never want to hurt you, nor make you cry. Sometimes I want to die. I wanted to die before I met you. You saved my life, I’m glad I am going to be your wife. Everything seems right since we got back together. However these haters will continue on hating, let them hate, I’m going to escape this madness, and let them know it is you and me forever. Till I die, I want you to know you mean the world to me, I wouldn’t let you go if I had to. If someone wanted to kill me because I was with you, then let them do it. The love I have for you its like I ain’t scared of shit. I have one wish, I wish that we will stay a happy family, Right we have our ups and downs, but in spite of all that We stuck together like no other. It’s almost 2 years, that means a lot to me. Since your gone my love for you has become stronger. I used to wonder how much longer will I hurt when you used to make me cry. Only you dried my eyes. It’s funny. You’re the one who made me cry, and you were the only one who could make me stop. Now I picture your face as I listen to this song, I feel you beside me. I feel you rub my face, and kiss my lips, and then I hear you say you’ll never let me go. I don’t want to open my eyes cause I know you’re not here. But I hear you. I heard you say everything will be all right don’t cry. Then I felt you putting your fingers through my hair. The fan is blowing making my hair move how you like. Now I see you laying me down gently, you begin kissing my neck. I still have my eyes closed. I don’t want this moment to end, I can’t pretend. Pa you’re not here. Then I hear you say relax. I do. You continue on kissing my neck. You move my hair over so you could whisper that you are not going anywhere. You will always be here. I begin to cry because that was all I wanted to hear. Then you faded away. I opened my eyes, I find myself in the dark, all alone, I wanted to call you on the phone. Why couldn’t you be home. I stare at your picture as I kiss it and say good night. And I wonder if you feel the same about holding me oh so tight. I wish you were really here, I wish you could catch my tears, and take away my fears, my fears of loosing you. I close my eyes again and I see us happily married with our son. I see you smiling at me. Then I see you coming over to me wrapping your arms around me. You begin to smell me. Now I feel you rubbing my body. I turn around and began to kiss you. Then I stop and look at you. I said I missed you so much. You kissed me. That made me smile. Then I held you in my arms, I feel warm. I don’t want to let you go. I want you to hold me in your arms while you sleep beside me. Once again you had to go. You started fading away. I got teary eyed. I told you I LOVED YOU. You said it back, and it came back with an echo. You were gone again. I open my eyes and hold my pillow tight. Imagining it was you. I get up and grab your coat. It still has your scent. I look at your picture you have on your i.d. I stare at it. I rub the side of your face. I whisper I love you, and I say goodnight. I lay in my bed with my blue light on. I look at the picture of Nelly I have on my wall. Yall look identical. I wish you knew how much I missed you, I wish you understand how much I love you, I wish you knew that I only need you. I wish you understand I could never let you be. I don’t want to be free, free from you. I just want to let you know that you will always be my boo Written October 15th, 2001 © on Oct 15 2001 07:54 AM PST   0 • 8